What nonsense is this? What tomfoolery? What...um, ridiculous...stuff?
Because why start giving a crap now?
Yes, yes, the glorious and all-hating Cynic has returned from her several month hiatus thing and is now talking in the 3rd person (just go with it, this getting back into the the flow shit is hard). And what brought her back? Why the very same thing that led to the creation of this most lauded den of movie geekery and deep-seated annoyance: PROCRASTINATION!
...I have writing samples that I have to do for my graduate school applications and they suck and I hate them and I DUN WANNA DO IT.
In short, nothing has changed.
Well some things have, to bring you up to speed, and I guess for new people who are randomly clicking over and have no idea what the hell I'm talking about (Aww, it's so cute when she assumes people give a shit)
I have reached the wise and knowing age of 22, I be filled with life experience and knowledge and things...I can't even type that with a straight face.
I have a real grown-up(cooughpart-timecough) job teaching the SAT to snotty high-schoolers who don't know a transition word from a Kardashian (I'm being topical, LOOK AT ME BE TOPICAL, I'MMA MENTION RICK PERRY NEXT, JUST WAIT).
I'm in the process of applying to graduate school to get a master's that will only be slightly more useless than my undergraduate degree. Wheeee.
But most importantly I have seen so many fucking movies and not being able to tell the internet what I think of them has been driving me INSANE. A brief and psychotic lowdown:
Tree of Life: Now that I've seen it twice, I love it. Unconditionally, like it is my nonlinear, religiously confused child. The first time I saw it I was too busy melting into a puddle of human condition/being mercilessly tortured by the long, artistic, opera-filled shots of THE UNIVERSE.
Drive: If the world was an accurate place Drive would be called Soulful Staring With The Occasional Death-By-Knifing, or In Which Ryan Gosling Makes Me Forgive Him For Being In The Notebook.
Lion King 3D: THIS WAS SO NECESSARY, YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND, THE WILDEBEEST CHASE WAS IN 3D FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THAT IS AWESOME. FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVE ON THE PLANET, AND BLINKING, STEP INTO THE SUN. THERE IS MORE TO BE SEEN, THAN CAN EVER BE SEEN, MORE TO DO, THAN CAN EVER BE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE
Fright Night: The boydude thought it was stupid. I think Colin Farrell is sexy as balls. And David Tennant was hilarious, that too. It was cute and harmless, c'mon.
And so many others! *Sob* I never told you about Super 8 (I loved it, it's my childhood, only in the wrong decade and with slightly more aliens) or X-men (gaygaygay in the very best way), or HARRY FREAKING POTTER (I cried, go ahead and judge me, SNAPE WAS A HERO), and Planet of the Apes (meh. The boy liked it. Because he likes monkeys), and Midnight In Paris (RHINOCEROS), and, and, and...
*Vomits from overdoing it*
Whew. Ok. Right. So, I'm back now, and things will be the same, yet different. I will still be supplying you with movie news, reviews both new and old, and a general air of cynicism and hatred. I will only be doing it Monday/Wednesday/Friday because then I will actually have something to say as opposed to "well gee, nothing happened today" or "hergleblergh, i am drunk, here's a picture of Sean Connery dressed as a banana" and such. There is also a new banner, and it is my sincerest hope that the bright pink sears your retinas forever.
And there you have it. On Friday, there will be a return to form as I disseminate on the long, long, long, gay and long journey that was J. Edgar. This is Sugary Cynic and it feels good to be back. Slightly sticky, but good.
(When me and the boydude, CE, went and saw J. Edgar there was a trailer for a movie called War Horse, which featured a horse galloping majestically through war and stuff)
Clever Euphemism: (In a very loud whisper) "The climax of the film is THAT THEY FUCK THE HORSE"