Firstly: Simon, here is your paint picture for correctly guessing the most recent banner quote. I have no idea who Maggie is, but Scott Pilgrim, (Ziggy Stardust era) David Bowie and Conan OBrien's rather femmy Thor are all doing your homework:
If you're wondering why it looks like shit, it's because I got a new computer and OH MY GOD MS PAINT ON WINDOWS 7 SUUUUUCKS. AND THE FILL BUCKET DOESNT FILL IN ALL THE LINES AND I DON'T KNOW WHHYYYYY. Either way, I'm prolly gonna get photoshop cuz this sucks.
Tokyo Gore Police, which CE discovered lurking in the bowels of Netflix, is that perfect gem of a bad movie that only comes around once in a blue moon: its plot is preposterous and hilarious, its budget nonexistent, its gore factor high, and, like most Japanese things, it is completely balls-to-the-wall insane. In short, it is glorious.
Our story (and I use that word with infinite looseness) takes place in the future of Tokyo, where the police are privatized and cheery ads for blades aimed at the suicidal are played on TV. It's a broad parody of Robocop in that way. Anyway, there are these crazy mutants called Engineers that are killing people and also, whenever you wound them, the wound turns into a weapon. They cut a guy's arm off, the stump turns into a chainsaw, lose an eye? Now it's an aiming scope. Some guy loses his...sensitive area?
Our heroine, as it were, is the police's top Engineer hunter, a young woman named Ruka. She runs around dismembering people with swords and tries to get to the bottom of things. Whatever that means. This movie is insanely over the top, with enough spurting blood and crazy bullshit to make Quentin Tarantino want to say "tone it down!" It's all pretty much super fake and cheesy looking, but it's just on such a massive scale that it leaves an impression anyway. It's like anime in real life. Which is admittedly a terrifying thought.
And never once is there any sort of winking at the camera. Not when Ruka uses a rocket launcher as a boost, or when kids play soccer with some dude's head, or even when the main baddie powers up and uses his leg stumps, recently eviscerated by Ruka, as a means of upward propulsion. Yes, he uses his massive jets of blood spurting to fly. And never once are we supposed to question it.
The equivalent to watching this movie: take a tab of acid then bludgeon yourself upside the head repeatedly with a frying pan while watching eighties sci-fi/slasher movies while a Japanese man screams at you.
And that is basically Tokyo Gore Police. For the majority of the movie I knew not whether to laugh or cry. This film defies the typical ratings scale. All I can say is, if you want something silly, bizarre, and nigh incomprehensible that may or may not be a softcore Japanese fetish film, then by all means, go watch Tokyo Gore Police. Otherwise, it's probably best to keep your sanity and run away screaming in the opposite direction.
This is Sugary Cynic, and she is delighted that Japan is still capably of frightening her deeply. 'Night!
CE: "It's basically Robocop on a zero budget crossed with Rule 34 come to life"