Thursday, March 10, 2011

French Circus People, Whimsy and New Orleans

Why is it every time I go on vacation for a couple days I lose a follower? It happened when I got back from Metrocon too. Do they see that I didn't post for two or three days and go "Where the devil are my movie reviews and dick jokes?! Well I'm just not going to stand for such ridiculousness! You, my dear, have lost a follower!" (dramatic mouse click).

That's how it works, right?

Anyway, this trip was pretty fun because I did a lot of Disney things that I had never done/hadn't done since I was in diapers, like Epcot and that demonic hall of horrors that is *shudder* It's A Small World.

I did not do well

Clever Euphemism: "Wait, what country is this?"
Me: "Hell"

Other things at Magic Kingdom: Women who try to force their way through crowds whilst loudly proclaiming "IT'S GO TIME!", The Carousel of Misogyny Progress in Tomorrow Land, lots of vomiting children:

Clever Euphemism: "He had too much Disney magic, they overloaded him and he couldn't handle it"

Me: "We must purge to make room for more whimsy!"

Clever Euphemism: "PURGE!"

also there's an area behind the Magic Kingdom castle that gives you a great view of the fireworks show but also is rather similar an experience to being in a war zone during an air strike:

"Ooooh! ...Oh sweet Jesus, it's falling this way!! IT BUUUURNS"

Also light parades that are not all that interesting but worth watching for the little kid that kept poking me going,

The next day, in Hollywood Studios (MGM if you're a Disney Old Timer), there was the stunt car show, the Indiana Jones show, which has a picture-pose thingy with the tank from the 3rd movie:

Please ignore my facial expression and instead note my highly appropriate shirt-wear

But mostly, there were New Orleansians. Since it was Mardi Gras all the native Nola's had apparently fled the state of Louisiana and had come to Disney.

It was basically a whole park filled with these people

Nothing interesting happened at Animal Kingdom.

That night we went to Cirque Du Soleil and as someone who hates: clowns, the circus, and pretentiously overhyped shows, I can objectively say that IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER.

Still a little iffy on the clowns though

There's a whole storyline about dreams and repeating patterns and stuff like that, but I was too busy going

to really notice any of the story.

Then to Epcot, where everything was new and exciting for me, even the rides that hadn't been updated in fifteen years!

I'm looking at you, 90's closeted Ellen DeGeneres!

Also we did Mission Space, which centrifuges your ass around the solar system and also gives each rider a job, like navigator, pilot or captain. It's just pressing a button and doesn't really mean anything, but some people were more serious about it than others...

Then we learned about Canada and China and various other countries in the Epcot Around The World Thingie (Apparently most countries are just nicely facaded restaurants), and saw another fireworks show from a much safer distance. That was about a third of all the crap we did at Disney and I am still tired from it all. My feet have revolted and refuse to work anymore, choosing instead to form their new sovereign nation of Footopia, where they govern justly...I should probably get some sleep.

Your regularly scheduled silliness returns tomorrow, for now this is Sugary Cynic, purging to make room for more whimsy. 'Night!

(After somehow successfully guessing the type of vinyl mickey toy in the mystery box it comes in)

Me: "How did you do that?"

Clever Euphemism: "MAGIC"

Me: "No, seriously, how did you that?"

Clever Euphemism: I am in touch with the Disney universe. And I can also see the future"

Me: "How...wait, what?"

Clever Euphemism: "Or maybe it was magical psychic karma. Either way, it was life-affirming. I wanted it to be that Mickey and it was"

Me: "You're going to milk this for a long time, aren't you?"

Clever Euphemism: "You have no idea"


  1. I have a video at Euro disneyland on the 'its a small world' ride. In it, I am crying for my mummy.

    omigod, how creppy is that ride! i am sure we are not the only two that agree. Reminds me of that simpsons episode where Bart dares lisa to drink the water in the ride :-)

    makes me jealous that I am not there though. fun huh? :-)

    - tork

  2. I have never been to Disney:( Not a place a have ever had the desire to visit. Too many people in one place for me.
    Great post on your experience there, heehee:)

  3. my fondest disney memory was seeing some dude dressed as mickey ditch work, while in his full costume, by jumping into his girlfriend's convertible and driving off with her. No lie.

  4. I love going to Disney world just the sheer pleasure my child get from going. My husband on the other had dreads going but there are always bathrooms to visit. LOL
    Love the photos

  5. Oh shittin god, the land where hope goes to die has a fucking theme park. Jesus fucking Christ.

    In Me news (I know how you love me and all), while you were away, I wrote what was basically Batman fanfiction, and watched Labryinth. CHECK IT THE FUCK OUT.

    I can't say I blame CE. The day I trust my ship to a ten-year-old is the day...something bad happens...yeah...

  6. I went to Disney when I was 6 years old, and pretty much the only thing I remember was getting stuck on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride because of a cave in, forcing me to hear the chant "Dead men tell no tales" for 2 hours. I'm actually getting a slight twitch in my left eye just thinking about it.

  7. Torkona: I remember that episode! Twas a good one.

    Mary:'re missing out on the whimsy!!!

    Ameer: That may be the singular greatest Disney experience, period.

    Jessica: Why does he get excited about bathroo-...oh.


    Grumpy: Wow, that sucks :(

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