Thursday, February 3, 2011

Ok, I'll Talk About The Stupid Oscars

The Oscars, also known as Hollywood's Wank. Well, known as by me anyway. Shut up. The Oscars are stupid because any nerd worth their salt can tell you the outcome ages ahead of time and there's all this pomp and ceremony and painfully unfunny gags and hosts who may be funny on their own but have to neuter their humor until it lies weeping in a corner. It's just not fun.

Except for when this happened last year. That was hilarious.

But I'm still going to blog about them when they happen because snark is the only thing keeping me alive right now that's not caffeine. And now that every other blog on the planet has mentioned the Oscars I suppose it's my turn. Here's my rundown (excluding things I don't give a crap about like best documentary or best sound editing or best make-up, because those are boring and also being blithely dickish is one of the perks of the internet)

Best Picture

Who I want to win: Tough call, lotta awesome movies this year. I'm kind of torn between Black Swan and maybe Inception. Both kicked ass. But then I'd like Toy Story to win only because everyone ever would collectively poop their pants.

Who will win: The King's Speech. Because he's a British underdog with a stutter. No, but seriously, that's who it's going to. I have a track record, go check last year's.

Best Director

Who I want: Darren Aronofsky. Because it would be about time, really. Although I'd be good with David Fincher too. Although that's less about the Social Network and more about the fact that I like David Fincher

Who will: Probably David Fincher

Best Actor

Who I want: Jeff Bridges. I know, he's not gonna get it cuz he won it last year but he was so damn fantastic in True Grit I want him to win again. Forever. Honorary Oscar For Life. And inscribe it as belonging to The Dude.

Who will: Colin Firth, for reasons, see Best Picture comments. Also it's Colin Firth.

Best Supporting Actor

Who I want: Irrelevant. It will be Christian Bale

Who w-CHRISTIAN BALE. Seriously, he looks like a frantic crack addict, they only put other names on the list out of courtesy.

Best Actress

Who I want: Well, the only one of these I saw was Black Swan, and Natalie Portman was pretty good at being pretty crazy

Who will: Hard to tell, dunno about Nicole Kidman but Rabbit Hole has been getting a lot of praise but so has Winter's Bone. I'm gonna say Jennifer Lawrence from Winter's Bone then. But it's basically a guess.

Best Supporting Actress

HAILEE STEINFELD EVER FOREVER,YOU TWITS. That kid made True Grit. She's got it locked and if she loses then that means there is no God. Or Chuck Norris.

Best Animated Feature

Only three categories, but they're all great. I need to see the Illusionist!! Anyway, no split here. I kind of want How To Train Your Dragon to win but Toy Story 3 is Toy Story 3 and also Pixar so it will win easily. And it was a pretty amazing movie too.

Best Original Screenplay

What I want: Inception. It was original and awesome and glorious and Christopher Nolan.

What will: Probably the damn King's Speech again, it's this year's Hurt Locker

Best Adapted Screenplay

What I want: True Griiiiiiiit!!! "I do not know this man"

What will: The Social Network aka "Oh Aaron Sorkin, your words make me feel funny in my swimsuit area, please write more words! Can I touch your face? How about a lock of your hair?"

Best Art Direction

What I want: "hi, my name is Sugary Cynic and I am a Christopher Nolan fangirl"

What will: Hopefully Inception. I feel like it might. God I hope Alice in Wonderland doesn't.

Best Cinematography

What I want: Pretty much my favorite thing about Black Swan

What will: I'm gonna say it's a toss up between Inception and Black Swan

Best Costume Design:

What I want: Don't really know. The True Grit ones were pretty good. I haven't seen The Tempest but the costumes look neat in the trailer

What will: I'm gonna say The Tempest. Because usually a Queen Elizabeth derivative wins this and since there isn't one this year, a movie that at least contains Helen Mirren is the next best thing

Best Original Score

Who I want: If you don't know by now the joy that John Powell's score from How To Train Your Dragon brings to my heart, then you don't know me at all

Who will: Most likely Hans Zimmer for Inception, which was admittedly a good score, though personally I thought Sherlock Holmes was better.

Best Visual Effects

Who I want: INCEPTION. I mean really, people

Who will: See above. And then slap yourself for being stupid

It's been too long

And those are all the ones I care about. This is Sugary Cynic, who neglected to mention earlier that sleep deprivation can make her hella bitchy. 'Night!

(Talking about the Great Potato Famine in class)

Ashley: "So, the Irish were kind of mad at England for not doing anything to help. I mean, they did a little...but not enough to stop people from starving to death...for five years"


  1. Scott Pilgrim for everything in the fucking world. Because nothing else is going to matter for a long time after that movie.

    -Scott Pilgrim fanboy. (You want to see the curvature of the earth? Then shut up.)

  2. I loved Inception too!!!! Great picks on your part! :)

  3. I thought Inception was an excellent movie! Don't watch often, but when I do, I try to make sure it's something I'll remember as being good:)

  4. Crossing fingers for David Fincher! He's an amazing director, even when he was making those artsy Madonna videos in the early 90s.

  5. I default to your keen eye and infinite wisdom with all things film. I will check back to see if the Academy lives up to your sage guidance.

  6. OK so I know where you're coming from with the Academy giving everything to The King's Speech because it's the type of movie that the Academy always goes for. But honestly, the movie was really good. Firth was awesome and Geoffrey Rush may be the ugliest man alive, but he can act. Once the Oscar lovefest has died down, give it a shot.

  7. Don't get me started on the damn Oscars. Just don't.

  8. Jacob: Yeah, kinda bummed Scott Pilgrim didnt even snag a visual effects nomination

    Jessica: Thanks! :D

    Mary: That seems like a good system

    AJ: Dude's got in the bag, for sure

    Ron: I know all!!

    Grumpy: Oh don't me wrong, I really wanted to see The King's Speech and still intend to, it looked good. But it's still fun to be snarky to the awards darling :p

    Simon: I won't


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