Monday, February 28, 2011

The King's Speech Or: How I Learned To Love The Stutterer

Okay, now follow along with me, this is not a test, this is THE TEST TO END ALL TESTS.

What do you get when you take Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, a bunch of other people not from America, and throw a script at them that includes the following:

Lionel Logue: Do you know the "f" word?

King George VI: Ffff... fornication?

-----

King Edward VIII: Sorry, I've been terribly busy.

King George VI: Doing what?

King Edward VIII: Kinging.

-----

Lionel Logue: Is that the best you can do?

King George VI: Well... bloody bugger to you, you beastly bastard.

Lionel Logue: Oh, a public school prig could do better than that.

King George VI: Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Lionel Logue: Yes!

King George VI: Shit!

Lionel Logue: Defecation flows trippingly from the tongue!

You get the Academy Award winning Best Picture The King’s Speech. I am your humble guide, CleverEuphemism, and the local Sugary Cynic did not see this film, so she left it to me to dispense what I know of this film, it being the hottest thing in the world today and everything.

This poster might be part of the reason it is so hot… if you like to imagine Colin Firth’s mouth near things you shouldn’t put your mouth on, lest you want to catch cooties….not that there’s anything wrong with that.

So The King’s Speech follows the eventual King George VI’s path to the throne. You see, King George VI (played by Best Actor winner Colin Firth) had a stutter as long as he could remember. And as you could imagine, this could be a pretty difficult thing to live with: “H…h..hi I…I…I….I’d l…like one….b…b..biiig m…m…m…m…m..m…m…mac with….” “SIR CAN YOU PLEASE DRIVE AROUND SO YOU CAN POINT AT THE PICTURE BOOK FOR US?” “O..o..o..o..o..ok.” Hopefully his car didn’t have a stutter too, otherwise everyone behind him would be there all night. But yeah, stutters suck, and probably explains why King George VI was so thin, the dude couldn’t get his Big Mac in a timely manner!

Here’s the thin guy now and his lovel…..OMG LOOK AT THOSE EYEBROWS! Apparently the tragedies never ended with this family.

Anyway, the film shows the struggles of someone with a seemingly debilitating speech impediment try to make a name for himself. Of course while most people are able to battle their demons in private, when you are in line to become King of England you aren’t granted such privileges.

Just ask Prince Harry about his bout with douchism

Initially King George VI is passed over for his brother King Edward VIII, because of the impediment. That and because King Edward VIII was apparently a hunk.

Yes that would be Guy Pearce. But don’t get too attached, apparently King Edward VIII was like the Bill Clinton of kings. That is to say, King Edward VIII knew how to party and ruined a few articles of clothing, some more priceless and historic than others.

So when King Edward VIII was clearly unfit to lead, and this guy named Hitler was causing all sorts of trouble on the European mainland, the United Kingdom turned to King George VI, and this guy still couldn’t even speak right! Geez, try not to pressure him too much or anything. So, how do you get a stutterer to quit stuttering and become the voice of the nation standing in Hitler’s way of global domination?

Karaoke. No, really. Geoffrey Rush loaded up Rock Band for the original Playstation or something and made everyone sing. He kept the guitar for himself ‘cause he’s an asshole like that.

Now, I am not going to get too caught up in the plot because, look, the movie is called The KING’S Speech. Not “Some stutter’s speech.” Not “The Speech Given by the Prince of Yorkshire” or anything like that. Clearly the man becomes king. And SPOILER ALERT, Hitler loses.

I mean, come on, with a haircut like that, did he ever expect to be a leading man in a major Hollywood picture?

Simply put, The King’s Speech is a story of triumph over personal demons that are out of one’s control. The story highlights the relationship between King George VI and his speech therapist Lionel Logue (played by Geoffrey Rush). The two strangers come to have a strong kinship. So much so that Lionel called the King by the childhood name Bertie.

Gerty, no relation.

There are not many films that highlight actual emotive male bonding. These men are able to open themselves up to each other and expose their soft underbellies and better themselves through their relationship, and grow a greater appreciation for each other, but also themselves.

Both Firth and Rush put in strong performances, and I believe Firth rightly won the Oscar for Best Actor. Hell, I still believe he should have won last year for his role in the sorely underrated A Single Man.

I mean, check out those glasses. Are they not awesome in the Mid-20th century closeted homosexual kind of way?

The thing that does stick out when people discuss The King’s Speech is that Helena Bonham Carter does not get the credit she seemingly deserves for putting in a strong performance herself; and I have been hard pressed to find other people discuss the moving cinematography. You remember the awkwardness and uneasiness you felt when watching Black Swan?

Yeah, you know what she is about to do… ouch.

You get an equal, if not greater, feel of uneasiness in The King’s Speech. You really feel for the plight of the young king. You squirm in your seat as you try to will the words out of his mouth. It an underdog story, and who doesn’t love an underdog story? And the thing about how this movie makes you squirm? It makes you squirm when you watch the award shows as well, for a completely different reason….

Yeah, I’m not sure what happened to Geoffrey, but it makes me a little uneasy.

If you haven’t seen The King’s Speech WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, LIKE HELLO, DO YOU NOT INHERENTLY DO WHAT THE OSCAR OVERLORDS TELL YOU TO DO?! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!.... But yeah, you should consider seeing it, since it really is one of the best movies of the year, regardless of genre and theme. I for one welcome our new British overlords…

But hey, at least us Americans still have The Beatles and all they have is the Stones!

Lionel Logue: You still stammered on the 'W'.
King George VI: Well I had to throw in a few so they knew it was me.

5 comments:

  1. LOL, but *whispering* I like Colin Firth!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i think you and i need help ... the usa has the beatles ? and what do you mean what happened to geoffrey .. great as always cheers alan

    ReplyDelete
  3. Loved this movie, perhaps even more so because of the fact that it was shot in the same place as gay porn.

    http://www.avclub.com/articles/yes-the-kings-speech-was-shot-on-a-former-gay-porn,52295/

    Gives the whole male-bonding angle a new twist.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WW2 really jumped the shark in it's last season. I mean, America just HAPPENS to have a war-ending wepon that NOBODY knew about? Hello, deus ex machina!

    And that was Snotty Internet Commenters Get All Up In Your Business Theatre.

    Now that my initial outrage and horror has died down, I am *sigh* willing to see this fucking thing...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pamela: There is nothing wrong with that... just make sure you tell all your future partners about any potential cooties that the microphone may have given Colin. It's only fair.

    Tbaoo: Homer Simpson once took a pot shot at people in England saying: "our Beatles are better than your Rolling Stones." I just take whatever is done or said on The Simpsons as canon. As for Geoffrey... he just doesn't look good bald, and in general, he is not looking as spry as he did when he made the film. Then again... "spry" is a strong word to be using in the first place.

    Taylor: I remember it well....wait, wait...N..NO I DON'T WHAT AM I SAYING?!

    Simon: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_spQTjtF327s/Sev0b4ng-7I/AAAAAAAAAAk/5NdPWwxXKqg/s1600/PBF209-Now_Showing.jpg

    ReplyDelete

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