Thursday, February 17, 2011

Guestapalooza Day 5: A Connery Countdown Is The Best Kind of Countdown

So I have kind of stopped sleeping again and I think it is seriously starting to affect my attention spa-

Who's a pretty kitty? You're a pretty kitty, yes you are! You are THE PRETTIEST KITTY

So it's probably a good thing it's still guest week. Today's post-er is Brent, who, like me, is a movie reviewer, except a good deal more coherent and also he only reviews AWESOME movies! Gangster flicks, cop dramas, and high-octane heist films are the kind cinematic bad-assery Brent tackles on his blog, Criminal Movies. I was super excited when he offered to do a post and became even more excited when I read it, for obvious reasons:

I always enjoy Sugary Cynic’s blog, because, as you know, she’s smart and funny and often talks about stuff that I find interesting, in a way that I would never dream of talking about it. So, I couldn’t pass up the chance to contribute to her blogaversary guest posting event. I didn’t want to write something I would normally write on my own blog, Criminal Movies, as this is a special occasion.
I wondered what she could possibly want and it took me all of about two seconds to realize I should just do a post about Sean Connery being a super bad ass! So here are 5 examples of Connery doing just that for your consideration.

1)Goldfinger: James Bond

Sean Connery has had some unkind words about James Bond over the years, but he is James Bond! The evidence is here. Most action stars, (Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, the cast of the Expendables) faced with a woman telling them her name is Pussy Galore, would have had a fit of uncontrollable giggling or else over excitedly soiled themselves. Not Sean Connery though, he just smiles and says “I must be dreaming.” before he lies back down, as if to say. “I’ve got this.” It should be noted that Pussy claims to be “immune to his charms,” but I think we all know how that turns out. Oh, And he also saves the world again.

2)The Offence: Detective Sergeant Johnson

While Connery’s character in this movie is just a little twisted, he has no problem scaring the hell out of everybody. He beats a suspected child rapist/murder to death and when his fellow police officers attempt to restrain him, he knocks them down like they were bowling pins. As easy as he took them out, you can’t blame him for taking over interrogations. They’re lucky he turned himself in, or he might’ve had to embarrass the military too.

3)Rising Sun: Capt. John Connor

The movie’s OK but Connery is really the only reason to watch it. He’s legendary policeman, John Connor, who knows everything there is to know about a lot of things, including; the Japanese, finding other people amusing when they think they know what they’re doing, and embarrassing people when they try to be threatening.

4)The Untouchables: Jim Malone

Kevin Costner’s Elliot Ness would still be moping around in frustration if it weren’t for Jim Malone teaching him “The Chicago Way” “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.” Everyone knows that the “stubborn kid with ideals” couldn’t take down Capone. Malone will even shoot a thug in the mouth to prove a point. Thanks to Sean Connery’s bad-assedness, they got it done.

5)The Hill: Joe Roberts

Sean Connery is Joe Roberts, a soldier in the British Army sent to a detention camp for violating an order which he knew would get his men killed, but they get killed anyway. Although he believes in rules, he’s unable to keep quiet when he realizes the sadism of his captors. He kicks ass here in one of his best roles, but whether he can find justice or just change who gives out the punishment is another story.

So that’s five, but there are many more. Just the James Bond series there are like a billion. Of course, in some movies, such as “Finding Forrester” I think that I may be actually creating some of it myself. I like to imagine he’s just fucking with the kid when he says “You’re the man now Dog!” So, you know, whatever works, but there’s plenty to go around!

Can I get a hell yeah? (Hell yeah!) Stay tuned for the last two guest posts of GUESTAPALOOZA!!


  1. Thanks for having me over and happy blogaversary!

  2. Awesome Post!! Connery Hoooooooooooo! Great job with the Connery awesomeness!


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