Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Worst Moments On Film This Year


Yesterday I showed you my top 5 favorite film moments of the year. Now, it's time for the other end of the spectrum: the moments in 2010 movie-dom that made me lose faith in humanity. Here are my worst movie moments:


5. The Machine Gun butt in Astro Boy

Ok, it's a 2009 movie. But this SCARRED me people! Forget the dead kid, robo-existentialism and Nathan Lane Pedophilia. The most horrifying moment is this line, as we wonder WHAT THE PLUPERFECT FUCK Tenma was thinking when he outfitted his new robo-son with machine guns in his ROBO-ANUS:

4. Jeff Bridge's Zen in Tron Legacy

Ok, this one is half awful and half funny because it is just so weird. Barely beating out "bio-digital jazz" we have the scene Kevin Flynn uses his Matrix-y powers to stop a plummeting elevator and save his son Sam and Quorra. Tension is high, Quorra's missing an arm, and it's all Sam's fault. Kevin reacts as anyone would in this situation:

Or at least, how The Dude would react in this situation.

3. The Mad Hatter's Futterwacken in Alice and Wonderland

It just wasn't enough for the Mad Hatter to look like a Nightmare Molester Clown and talk with a lisp. No. He had to do a freaky little dance that sounds like a euphemism for something you could get arrested for doing to a hooker in Sweden. And it's bizarre! It's like "hey we killed the monster and defeated The Red Queen. This calls for a Breakdance!"


2. Believing in beliefs from The Last Airbender

God this movie was terrible. As an adaptation, as a regular movie, as something that doesn't want to make you vomit all your happiness, etc. And all of it's spectacular, poorly-written, worsely-acted, soul-killing garbage can be perfectly summed up in one line:

And Sokka dies a little more

But the number one moment that is by far and away the worst thing my poor innocent eyeballs had to endure this fine year is a film that will probably never see distribution in the U.S. but the trailer hit Youtube this year. Unfortunately:

why hath thou forsaken me, Connery?!

And those were my top five miniature brain hemorrhages of 2010. May 2011 bring less moments that make it so I can't sleep at night. This is Sugary Cynic, futterwacken' like there's no tomorrow. 'Night!

Oh, wait.

This. This too.


  1. You've got to stop tormenting yourself with that heinous Connery animation epic...or THEY WIN...

  2. I didn't check out that Connery cartoon when you were on about it before. It sounded too depressing. I wish I'd kept it that way.

    Holy. Shit.


  4. Deb: They've already won

    Unwashed: Directions for making it all go away: Take one bottle rubbing alcohol, pour directly on eyeballs

    Simon: Indeed.

  5. your eyeballs, innocent?? don't. make. me. giggle. =P

  6. Hey! My eyes are like...totally innocent...and stuff. Shut up.


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