HAPPY NEW YEAR, INTERNET!
Yesterday I showed you my top 5 favorite film moments of the year. Now, it's time for the other end of the spectrum: the moments in 2010 movie-dom that made me lose faith in humanity. Here are my worst movie moments:
5. The Machine Gun butt in Astro Boy
Ok, it's a 2009 movie. But this SCARRED me people! Forget the dead kid, robo-existentialism and Nathan Lane Pedophilia. The most horrifying moment is this line, as we wonder WHAT THE PLUPERFECT FUCK Tenma was thinking when he outfitted his new robo-son with machine guns in his ROBO-ANUS:
4. Jeff Bridge's Zen in Tron Legacy
Ok, this one is half awful and half funny because it is just so weird. Barely beating out "bio-digital jazz" we have the scene Kevin Flynn uses his Matrix-y powers to stop a plummeting elevator and save his son Sam and Quorra. Tension is high, Quorra's missing an arm, and it's all Sam's fault. Kevin reacts as anyone would in this situation:
Or at least, how The Dude would react in this situation.
3. The Mad Hatter's Futterwacken in Alice and Wonderland
It just wasn't enough for the Mad Hatter to look like a Nightmare Molester Clown and talk with a lisp. No. He had to do a freaky little dance that sounds like a euphemism for something you could get arrested for doing to a hooker in Sweden. And it's bizarre! It's like "hey we killed the monster and defeated The Red Queen. This calls for a Breakdance!"
2. Believing in beliefs from The Last Airbender
God this movie was terrible. As an adaptation, as a regular movie, as something that doesn't want to make you vomit all your happiness, etc. And all of it's spectacular, poorly-written, worsely-acted, soul-killing garbage can be perfectly summed up in one line:
But the number one moment that is by far and away the worst thing my poor innocent eyeballs had to endure this fine year is a film that will probably never see distribution in the U.S. but the trailer hit Youtube this year. Unfortunately:
And those were my top five miniature brain hemorrhages of 2010. May 2011 bring less moments that make it so I can't sleep at night. This is Sugary Cynic, futterwacken' like there's no tomorrow. 'Night!