Monday, January 17, 2011

I Watched The Friggin Facebook Movie, Ok?

Hey guys, I know I kinda neglected you this weekend. My boyperson came and visited which, as you may imagine, is quite distracting. And also replacement charger is now busted because it is stupid and such so I'm borrowing my roommates til I get a new one, so my time is also limited to when she isn't using the charger. On the bright side, I have a boyfriend, neener neener neener, and also I watched three movies over the weekend so at least you know you'll be getting reviews for the next three days. Or two days, I guess, not counting this one. Math is also stupid. On to the main topic!

So, the Facebook movie. Are you happy, world? The greatest movie ever in the history of ever composed of people talking and typing and not doing much else has been seen by me. Finally. And by seen I mean kind of sort of forced to watch because boydude kept trying to convince me that it was good. And it was.

Mostly. But can we all agree that Jesse Eisenberg is making the most retarded facial expression ever?

So yeah, The Social Network. As roomie Ashley put it "this movie taught me that Facebook was founded by assholes" and that's a pretty apt synopsis. We enter the movie mid-conversation between Eisenberg's character, Mark Zuckerberg, in a douchetastic conversation with his soon-to-be-ex girlfriend. Right away the movie demonstrates Mark's total lack of social skills, knowledge of social cues and generally inherent assholery. After the girl dumps him, he does what any enraged geek guy at Harvard would do: gets drunk, blogs about it, and hacks all of Harvard's sites to create a site called "FaceSmash" comparing Harvard girls that crashes the school's networks.


After that, Mark is approached by two buff blonde Harvard rowing-crew twins named Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, both played by Armie Hammer (yeah, I dunno), who want Mark to help them write code for a site called Harvard Connection that would be like a dating site but exclusively for Harvard students. Mark decides that's stupid and goes off to make Facebook instead.

In his defense, I wouldn't want to work with anyone named Winklevoss either

And so is the tall tale of Facebook told in flashback during two depositions involving Zuckerberg. One where the Winklevii are suing for stealing their idea and the other where he is being sued by his former best friend Eduardo for being cut out of Facebook's profits despite being it's co-founder. Eduardo is played by Andrew Garfield, who looks like a puppy dog. A really good looking one. Eduardo is both the money and the voice of reason behind Mark's mad plan to win at the internet. He's also pretty much the only one willing to put up with Mark's bullshit and be his friend. He genuinely cares about this little douche-bucket, which makes Mark so blatantly screwing him over that much more painful to watch.

Bros before hos, yo...except the ho is Facebook. Which sounds like it could be some kind of metaphor. Or something. It's late, shut up.

So Facebook explodes out onto the internet, attracting mildly insane groupies like Brenda Song's pyromaniac character who burns a present from Eduardo on his bed, and also leeches, like Shawn Parker, inventor of Napster. Justin Timberlake plays Parker and does a surprisingly good job of it. It's weird to see him playing a paranoid, coked out Parker and remember that he was the guy who sang "Bye Bye Bye"

I have a theory that he murdered the other members of N*Sync and sacrificed them to some sort of fame god. It's just a theory, of course.

Shawn Parker ends up being the catalyst that sets Eduardo and Mark against each other, and as Facebook grows more and more popular, they become increasingly alienated from each other until Mark has lost his only real, non-internet friend. And is being sued. Twice.

Though I'm sure the billion-or-so dollars he's amassed provide a small comfort

The rundown: Everyone turns in strong performances (I actually feel much better about the Spiderman reboot after seeing Garfield in this), Aaron Sorkin's script that everyone wants to make sweet, sloppy love to is quite witty, and Trent Reznor's score is atmospheric and excellent. It's a good movie but sometimes, watching it, I just didn't care. It's all nerds! Doing nerdy things! Still, I can't in good conscience give it anything lower than a four and a quarter catapults out of five. Because it was good. Just annoyingly so.

And that's all for tonight. Suck it up, you can handle it. After all, I'll be seeing you tomorrow with a review of the bro-tastic Green Hornet. This is Sugary Cynic, saying "I'm Facebook famous" 'Night!

Mark's (Ex)Girlfriend: "You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole"


  1. Thanks Megan a cool review of a movie I do want to see...


  2. Good review Sugary. I will put it on my list. My problem with movies like this is that the more hype there is building up to release, the less interested I am in seeing it...and I hate the new profiles in FaceBook.

  3. Megan, that was great! I haven't had the opportunity to watch the movie in its entirety because I kept getting interrupted (kids!). So, maybe I shouldn't have read this until I do because I know more than I did. At any rate, what I had saw you hit right on the nose!

  4. excuse me, that should have read 'what I had seen, you hit right on the nose!' My brain sort of got ahead of my typing fingers:)

  5. I have been wondering about this movie! Thank you for the review, I will defintely add it to my list :)

  6. I liked this movie. I did not love this movie, which surprised me. Great performances, great script, and Fincher's direction nicely not in the way.

    But, I found it kinda "meh..."

    Great review!

  7. Never watched it and have no intention of, sounds completely boring. You did a good review of the film so now I don't have to.

  8. Andrew Garfield is turning into a professional woobie. What with Red Riding and Boy A and Never Let Me Go. Poor guy.

  9. Alejandro: Thanks, man! It's definitely worth checking out

    Ron: That's a big part of why I didn't see it in theaters, same reason why I didn't read the Da Vinci Code until ages after people stopped talking about it. This movie was at least much better than the Da Vinci Code book.

    Mary: It's ok, we forgive you :p now go finish the movie!

    Nelieta: Go for it, like I said, it's worth the watch!

    Yojimbo: Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt, there was no reason at all to dislike it, I was just like "...ok"

    SJ: To each their own lol

    Simon: And now he's gonna be Peter Parker and be all guilty cuz it's fault Uncle Ben's dead! That poor kid can't catch a break!

  10. No, I heard that Uncle Ben doesn't die in this one. Or maybe that was something else.

    If he lives, I hope he gets played by Charly again.

  11. I've been putting off seeing this as I just don't like the concept of it but the fact Aaron Sorkin wrote the screenplay gets my interest up. Then again Sorkin can be his own worst enemy.

    Good review!

  12. Dan: I wasn't that up for seeing it either, but I liked it ok

  13. I haven't watched the movie yet, but based on the trailer and the movie reviews, I can definitely say that this movie is cool.


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