Tuesday, January 11, 2011

But Don't Quote Me On That

Some days people are just funny:

(After having a Kurt Vonnegut short story described to her about a sexless world where some dude runs around "awakening" women by having sometimes-forced sex with them)

Ashley: "I can deal with misogyny and guy's being all like 'I got knowledge in my head cuz I am so smart' and stuff! But I draw the line here! YOU DON'T DISPENSE KNOWLEDGE WITH YOUR PENIS!!"


(Talking about driving around in Ashley's car, unable to put the top up)

Zeke: "So it started raining and we were in traffic and stuff so we just held up Ashley's umbrella. We went though the drive-thru like that"


(The new Math for Liberal Arts professor)

Professor: "I want you to love math, to let it into your HEART. There's love in math, there's LOVE, and I want you to find it"


(Ryan plays goalie for a hockey team made up of terrifying butch lesbian women)

Ryan: "Well, I'm off to go beat women senseless"


(As I jumped on top of Zeke who was on the couch)

Me: "Raaaaape!"

Zeke: "Grape?"

Me: "Why the hell would I yell grape when attacking you?"

*several minutes later, Zeke tries to tackle me*

Zeke: "GRAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"


Me: "So since Ke$ha basically called Ryan Seacrest a douchebag to his face, I have gained a modicum of respect for her"

Ashley: "Really?"

Me: "Don't get me wrong, she still looks like she's harboring every STD ever"

Zeke: "Yeah, but she's helpful to science. If not in Ke$ha, where else would we keep them all?"


(My postmodern professor from last year, in my 21st century fiction class)

Professor: "And of course, late work will not be tolerated so..."

*pause as his chair starts rolling*

Professor: "I have a roll-y chair!!!"

(later on)

Professor: "So it's just so cool because this is literature that is happening right now, it's-OHMIGOD LOOK, SHE'S WEARING RAINBOW SHOES!" (frantic pointing to girl in the front row)

(and later still)

Professor: "So go around the room and say your name, major and one interesting thing about yourself. This one time one of my students told me he was from Sweden and I was like 'no one's from Sweden, you're obviously lying!'"

(and finally)

Professor: "You have to be fun and work hard in this class. Nikki over there, she's not fun, but she works hard so it's ok. I mock you because I love you guys. And you are all my children"

I think it's gonna be a fun semester

7 comments:

  1. Your stalker feed thinks I'm in Boca...?

    Also, I find it a little coincidental that ur Prof shares the logic of mockery as a form of love with a certain blogger we all know and tolerate humps&snark from...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi ya Megan, what a cool class you'll be in.

    Enjoy it!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  3. Now if my classes were like that I'd have never left XD

    Although when you get to devour the joys of the full time career path, I have a feeling you will still find these moments regardless and I look forward to reading them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ^_^ oh, you guys, I do miss such quotable moments. Is that the same professor that decided you should have class at the hibachi place or whatever?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Megan - Love the post...I think I know that postmodern professor...he was in my A.D.D. support group - "hey! A dog!"

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love it when teachers show up wacked out of their minds.

    That's what happened, right?

    Oh, and since you're all college-y, how long did it take for you to stop asking to go to the bathroom?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ashley: FAU internet system and such

    Alejandro: I intend to!

    SJ: One can only hope

    Val: Yeah, he's a fun one

    Ron: I wouldn't be surprised...

    Simon: In my first class on my first day in my first year of college, some dude raised his hand to go to the bathroom and the professor was like "Dude, you don't have to do that, you can just go, you're a big boy now"

    ReplyDelete

Share the love! Or, alternatively, the hate. Whichever, I'm easy

These Are Also Nice

Related Posts with Thumbnails