Sunday, October 31, 2010

Atlantis: the Lost Empire or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Innaccuracy

I'm having a vision. It's...it's an animated steampunk movie with principal designs done by Mike Mignola where an intrepid group of explorers who actually use guns and explosives discover a lost city and have a bitching aerial battle and there are minority characters and ladies who get to be bad-ass and even though it's a Disney movie there are no musical numbers and we get to see people get electrocuted.

But surely such a film could not truly exist?

Oh Snap!

All right, straight up, I'm biased as hell. I love this movie even for all its flaws and psychotic amounts of inaccurate, plot-holed "wait that doesn't make any sense!" going on. It was pretty much the first Steampunk movie I ever saw, it has Marty McFly as our nerdy hero and it was BAD-ASS. It was a Disney movie with guns and explosions and no one singing about believing in dreams. And also a giant electric death lobster. 12 year old me was in love.

And to make it that much better, Mike Mignola, the man behind the Hellboy graphic novel series, did many of the original sketches and designs for the movie, which I think really shows through in the final version. The story goes that he was contacted over the phone by a Disney representative who wanted to know if he was interested in the project. His reply: "How did you get my phone number?"

So anyway, Atlantis tells the story of the hopelessly dorky Milo Thatch, linguist extraordinaire and guy-in-charge-of-boiler-maintenance at the Smithsonian Museum in 1914. He was raised by his grandfather, an explorer who believed he could find Atlantis but just ended up dying discredited and sad. Milo is trying to follow in his footsteps, but his geekiness makes it difficult for him to secure funding.

You try taking that seriously

But then a sexy blonde chick named Helga breaks into his apartment and takes him to Preston Whitmore, an eccentric old gent who knew Milo's grandad and funds the expedition to Atlantis with the coolest toys EVER.

WANT

Here Milo meets up with our wacky team: Dr. Sweet: a big friendly black guy who wears a doctor's coat but not necessarily a shirt underneath, Packard: a chain-smoking old lady who remains unflappable in the face of everything, Audrey: a Spanish teenage mechanic, Commander Rourke: the military dude in charge who totally doesn't scream "EVIL DUDE, SUP?", Moliere: a pervy Frenchman obsessed with dirt and tunnels and my personal favorite character, Vinny: explosives expert and best-lines-in-the-movie:



Thank you Disney, for creating a psychotic pyromaniac who apparently was recruited from a prison and making him a good guy. Awesome.

So the team starts heading to where Milo had figured Atlantis lies, only to suddenly be attacked and generally eviscerated by a creature known as The Leviathan aka Giant Electric Death Lobster.

"Of course little Timmy will be ok, honey. After all, what's the worst that could happen in a Disney movie?! ...Oh. Timmy, no, don't cry! That Death Lobster didn't blow up those sailors with lightning, it was just playing!"

The survivors still have to struggle through homicidal lightning bugs, bitter cold (wait, aren't they underground, what the hell?!) and Packard sleepwalking in the nude before finally making it to Atlantis and discovering that it still has Atlanteans!

Attractive ones!

But then Rourke and the gang reveal their true mercenary colors when they steal the life source powering Atlantis and it's up to Milo and the ones who've taken his side to save the day via kick-ass air battle on flying fish machine-bike-things. It's cooler than it sounds.

Now, there are issues with the movie, it has plot holes you could drive Steampunk submarine through and there just a lot of things throughout that will make you stop and go "...wait!"

From the minor:

Movie, that's not how chalk works. People know that. Also it would be backwards. Just saying.

to the much more pressing:

Um, movie, what the hell? How are there clouds? How is there a light source? Aren't they hundreds of miles underground? Where is that light coming from? How are there waterfalls? How are these plants growing here and WHY IS THERE A SKY?! Movie? Movie, wait!

But hey, question not the Disney film aimed at children. The fact is that this is an exciting, adventurous and decidedly awesome item in the Disney catalog of films. It lacks stupidly cheesy sidekicks, there's a real sense of danger and the good guys are allowed to fire guns and smoke and be slightly unhinged. Atlantis: The Lost Empire is a fun, very different Disney film and is at least partly the cause of my love for Steampunk, giving it a solid three and a half catapults out of five. And while unfortunately they never really made another one like it, at least they didn't do something to screw it up.

Fuck you, Disney. I bet that ridiculous looking purple monitor lizard creature talks, doesn't he?

This is Sugary Cynic, quitting school to hunt for Atlantis. Any eccentric billionaires wanna help me out? 'Night!

(The expedition realizes they are trapped in a volcanic shaft, and the top is sealed shut)

Moliere: "The magma has solidified in the bowels of the volcano, effectively blocking the exit"

Packard: "I got the same problem with sauerkraut"

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Does A Batman Cartoon Count As A Halloween Movie?

I feel obligated with the whole holiday dealie to review a Halloween movie but Halloween movies are generally horror movies and I'm not much for horror, either it's stupid and uninteresting or pants-crappingly scary, which I don't need in my life.

My roommates find this behavior less than endearing

So yeah, no real Halloween movies. Unless you wanna count Batman: Under The Red Hood...

Batman, behind you!! "Pfft, like I'm falling for that one again!"

This movie may not be terribly Halloween-oriented, but it is AWESOME. Most of the direct-to-DVD DC movies have been pretty lame and neutered. And also always coupling Batman with Superman which I hate because I hate Superman. SO MUCH.

And also Mexican Batman. For whatever reason.

Under The Red Hood, on the other hand, does everything I yelled at the other DC animated movies to do, has more fight scenes, more blood, a darker storyline, and it's also the first and only animated anything of Batman to explore the Jason Todd storyline. For those not geeky enough to know, Jason Todd was the second Robin who popped up after Dick Grayson had gone off to become Nightwing and brood and junk. And then Jason went and got his ass killed by the Joker. You know how this movie opens? With the Joker beating the living hell out of Jason with a crowbar.

And just how is that wacky Joker, anyway?

...Oh

John Di Maggio takes over for Mark Hamill, the classic voice of the Joker, and though I was initially skeptical, Di Maggio is brilliant as a much more sinister Joker that you can actually take seriously. Youtube, in its continuing efforts to be a butt, won't let me embedd the clip, but if you go here, you can see for yourself the dangers of giving the Joker a glass of water.

Seriously, it's worth watching just for him.

Anyway, five years after the whole dead Robin thing, a new vigilante appears, Red Hood, who has no issues with murdering bitches to get results and is voiced by Dean Winchester from Supernatural. And if that isn't incentive enough, Nightwing shows up for awhile to help Batman and unlike the Nightwing from the cartoons of my youth who was a moan-y whiner with Bat-daddy issues, this Nightwing is actually funny and quippy and most importantly is voiced by NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.

YES

So yeah, Red Hood does awesome things, Batman broods and is generally Batman-like, Black Skull shows up and manages to not be embarrassing and the fight scenes are incredibly well-choreographed for an animated film. The animation itself is fine, except for the CGI, which is noticeably crappy. With the exception of that kooky Ra's Al Ghul and his Magical Lazarus Pits of Magic, it's a gritty, believable story, tackling delightfully dark and fucked up themes concerning Batman's moral code and INTENSE BAT-GUILT, putting munchkins in colorful costumes in the line of fire, and the Joker just being awesome. Apparently, for DC the 8th time's the charm and they've finally crafted an excellent animated Batman film for big people. Three and a half bats out of five. (Who wants my half a bat? You know you do)

This is Sugary Cynic, donning a red hood for Justice, Revenge and General Awesome-ocity. 'Night!

Jason: "Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why? Why on God's earth..."

(Smashes a closet door open that was holding Joker)

Jason: "...is he still alive?"

Joker: "Gotta give the boy points. He came all the way from the dead to make this shindig happen. So who's got a camera? Ooh! Ooh! Get one of me and the kid first. Then you and me, then the three of us. And then the one with the crowbar!"

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Cash Carts And The Most Awkward Sushi Ever

VAL'S VISITING!!

AND WE'RE GONNA WATCH MOVIES AND PLAY GAMES AND GO ON ADVENTURES AND FIND THE LOCH NESS MONSTER AND KILL DRACULA AND UNEARTH A GLOBAL CONSPIRACY AND HAVE TO GO INTO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM SO WE'RE NOT MURDERED BY THE MAFIA AND SO MY NEW NAME WILL BE CHASE DARKWATER AND SHE'LL BE MARLA CONSTANTINE AND WE'LL LIVE IN NEW YORK AND SOLVE CRIMES AND MEET THE MUMMY AND ALSO SCOOBY-DOO.

I am excited.

I'm going in a bit to pick her up from the airport, so a short post tonight. Or more likely I'll get interrupted halfway through this one and when I come back she will be here and this post will be META AS HELL. I think. I dunno, by Thursday my brain is usually fried.

So today was an intense culmination of awesome and awkward. First, the awesome: for Homecoming Week, the school did this thing called Cash Cart, which is like Cash Cab but in a golf cart. And on campus instead of New York. And all the trivia questions are about the school. And you don't win actual money, just school swag like t-shirts and cups. So really it's not at all like Cash Cab.

They did at least drive me to the Dining Hall

Also my thesis adviser was on the cart, not driving but asking the trivia questions. We went off-road and hit a hole in the grass between the dorms and I won a foam finger so that was fun.

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

Aaaaand it happened!! Yes even though there''s no way for you to know it. I vanished for an hour to pick up Val at the airport. META. Or something. Don't believe me?

PROOF! GLORIOUS PROOF!

Anywhoo, earlier today, in what class but Postmodernism, our professor was really tired and out of it, which is why one student in our class was able to convince him that we should go to the sushi restaurant across the street and conduct class there. And we did. And it was weird. And awkward. Cuz I didn't order any food because I'm broke and everyone kept pressuring me to at least buy a soda so go figure. And we got like no work done. It was a thoroughly strange occurrence but par for the course with this class.

And now if you excuse me, there's a Blu-ray copy of How To Train Your Dragon and a grad-school friend waiting. :D This is Sugary Cynic, going off-road golf-carting and avoiding airport security. 'Night!

Me: "So tell me about your new friends!"

Zeke: "Wait, you made *friends*?"

Val: "YES I made friends!!"

I Hate You, Thomas Pynchon

More specifically, I hate writing papers about you, Thomas Pynchon.



For a reclusive author hiding away from humanity he sure does love doing guest voices on the Simpsons (he's done it twice but I can't find the other time online anywhere).

But still. HATE.

Why do I hate Thomas Pynchon? For the obvious and admittedly petty reason that I do not understand Gravity's Rainbow, his sprawling, epic 760 page mess of who-the-fuck-knows.

DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE

And I am trying to write a paper on it. That is due tomorrow. >_< Don't get me wrong, I tried to understand it, approach it with an open mind and all that. And to be fair, some bits of it ARE great, just the way that they're written or how something is described but as a whole it only serves to frighten and confuse me. And seriously, what the hell is up with all the dicks and poop?! I've known middle schoolers less obsessed with dicks and poop. And I don't want to be all "Oh he said penis and talked about sex, this book is obscene" but I don't understand WHY he does it SO MUCH. Like 30% of this book is poop alone. What the hell?! Why is this a culturally significant novel? What is going on?


How I hate you. You and your lack of updated photographs and mysteriously missing college file, and your naval records that just happened to be lost in a fire. Weirdo.



Is it a trident or a pitchfork? Either works. Also how is he running away without any eyeholes?

I dislike you most intensely Thomas Pynchon. I'd ask you to write my paper for me in reparation, but I don't think my professor would appreciate 700+ pages about drugs and poo. Oh well.

This is Sugary Cynic, off to hunt down Thomas Pynchon, who may or may not live in New York's Upper West Side and may or may not be about to receive an angry kick in the crotch. 'Night!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Welcome To My Life

It is this, this is my life:



Well, mostly. I have no illusions about the uselessness of a degree in English and absolutely no desire to be a college professor. But still, my life right there.

So Simon's paint request requires a bit of background info. She asked for "Dr. Frank N Furter, Mr. Pink, and Willie Garson fighting Big Man Japan" So yeah...

This is Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show (remember when Tim Curry was skinny?!)


This is Mr. Pink from the Tarantino classic, Reservoir Dogs


Big Man Japan from the LSD-fueled film on the same name about a dude who turns into a giant superhero in purple undies


And Willie Garson, who I know as the little bald dude from the show White Collar

per the usual, your wish is my command:

May it sear the soft tissue of your brain forevermore


And that's all you get today. Midterms! YEAH!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Losers and Air Cynic

Tired of me bitching about my thesis? Welcome to the next six months

Wheee. Also, Unwashed's reign of banner quote victory was finally toppled by Simon, who correctly guessed the origin of Moulin Rouge. Now tell me what you want and ye shall receive in glorious crappy paint form.

So this week is Homecoming week at school. This means, unfortunately, a horrific amount of school spirit, being constantly harassed via Facebook to vote for Homecoming King/Queen/Venomous Reptile and I so don't give a flying fuck. I can barely muster up the enthusiasm for things going on in my own life. Good luck trying to make me care about our school by barraging me with messages to wear our school's colors (ha) and vote for a meaningless contest that enables you to wear a shiny tiara and feel like a princess. I'll be over here, WORKING ON THESIS.

Not that I like, care or anything. For serious.

BUT! The upside of Homecoming week is the Homecoming carnival! The school always does a great job putting on a fun carnival on campus. They get rides and food and different clubs set up booths with games and stuff. They had prize-game thing run by some questionable-looking carnies and Akiva won me a stuffed turtle who I named Groucho because of his eyebrows.

Pretty much

I also got a fake-tattoo thingy from the body art lady. It was a dragon!!

Roar, bitches!


Ok, now I just wish it was a real tattoo. I am due for another...

Also they had a bounce-house obstacle course that I failed at SO HARD. I fell down the slide bit and flew off the course head-first, landing in the grass. Go me. Also, they had a bouncy bungee thingy and it was AWESOME. I had fun bouncing. There is pictorial evidence of this:

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!


Note the even mix of exhilaration and terror

Awesome mid-air photos courtesy of Brenda, the purple-haired photomaniac over at One Thousand Words Home.

Tonight, while working on thesis, we watched The Losers, because I've wanted to see it for ages and also because I have an unabashed crush on Chris Evans.

This poster is giving me a crick in my neck

Unfortunately, The Losers was not as awesome as I'd hoped it to be. I mean, it wasn't bad, it was fun, there was some nice action bits, but I found it pretty easy to focus on my thesis, which can't be a good sign. The plot is loosely strung together, the characters are paper-thin and the ending is massive built-for-sequel cop-out. Meh. What makes it at least entertaining is mostly the banter between Chris Evans's character Jensen and Columbus Short's character Pooch, they were pretty funny and made the most of their thinly-fleshed out characters. Everyone else was kinda boring. It's a typical revenge story against a ridiculously over-the-top baddie who has to go to extreme lengths like murdering children and tossing dudes off roofs just to so we know HE'S THE BAD GUY. Ugh. Still, for me, this movie was worth watching, if just for this one scene that youtube won't let me fucking embed (HATRED) but it is by far the funniest an best bit of the film and so hugely worth watching so here is the link. So great.

And now I must return to my sadly Chris Evans-free world. Bummer. Oh well, at least I bounced hella high, I can say that much. Also, just in case you forgot, vote. Please. This is Sugary Cynic, touching the sky whilst trying to not puke the snowcone and hotdog she had beforehand. 'Night!

(As I was sitting on a bench eating my snowcone, which was not in a cone but a cup)

The Dean: (mock serious) "Are you doing Jell-o shots again?"

Me: (nods) "I just can't stop!"

The Dean: (shakes his head) "I've had to talk to you about this before!"

He is the awesomest Dean. You are jealous.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I For One Am Ok With Dolph Lundgren Manhandling My Unicorn

Short post tonight, working on a paper revision and also my Japan application. Wheee. If it helps ease the pain, it's banner quote time again! And this time I chose one that I absolutely know you've seen, SIMON. So quit yer bitchin' ;)

UGH. SO MUCH WORK. I never have time to do fun things. Last night's movie adventure has become a rare thingy. Being a Senior sucks. I wish I could fast-forward to the end of the year and be whisked away to the magical land of Japan...or Korea, depending on how the application goes. I refer you to my previous Wheee.

In the meantime, I recently found these commercials for Norton Anti-virus and they are AMAZING. So of course, I must share:



GLITTERY HEADSPLOSION!!

And here's what happens when an oscillating fan messes with the Hoff:



And finally, Kimbo Slice faces off against a caterpillar, with...interesting results.



Never before have I felt such a strong need to get Norton Anti-virus software. Not much else to say except we watched a shit-ton of Iron Chef and man do they ever take themselves seriously. I realize that this is high-octane cooking and such, but does the host really feel the need to do back-flips?

I'm afraid to ask what happens to those who misuse the surprise ingredient

And that's about it. Back to work :( I am so tired of saying that already. Higher learning bites. Ah well, at least I'll be able to have a full and productive career with my degree in...English Literature?! What the hell is wrong with me? This is Sugary Cynic, reevaluating her life choices while David Hasselhoff assaults my fan (there is an alternate video where he seduces the oscillating fan but it was...creepy), 'Night!

Me: (to my roommate, Shaina) "Can I have a Sweet-tart? Cuz I'm sweeeet?"

Javi: "No, you're bitter. That's why you need them"

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Retired, Extremely Awesome

So before I get into the eye-exploding wonder that was Red, (and it was indeed that wonderful that it made my eyes explode and then formed new ones to take their place because Red is a good and considerate movie like that), I first desire to tell you about two blogs by awesometastic friends of mine. First, Abbie, who left the sunny shores of South Florida for the bleak, depressing drizzle of Seattle, works in a coffee place and in doing so hears some weird-ass conversations, which lead to her new blog, Seattle Spy. So hop over and learn about the strange things people tend to do in Seattle and talk about in coffee places, it's awesome, even though it's on Tumblr.



Next is Val, currently languishing in grad school, wearing lab coats and gettin' in trouble. She has a brand new shiny blog called D) All of the Above. It is an exploration of all things nerdy, rather like mine, except where I spit hatred she is relentlessly cheerful and also more sci-fi nerdy. So all you Trek dorks who can't get your fix here, Val's the one you want to go to.



Some say pimpin' ain't easy. Those people aren't me.

Now on to Red! Sort of. So I re-dyed my hair for my Halloween costume and it's not quite the same pink it was before. It's so much better and also a tad darker and basically now actually looks the same shade as my character-person's hair.

:D

So I went to see Red with Javi and Zeke and got complimented on my choice in hair color four times. The first time was a terrifyingly skinny woman who looked like there was a good chance she was a crackhead. So that raised some unsettling implications. Then two much more normal-looking ladies said they thought my hair looked good the two times I went to the bathroom, but compliments are always a bit weird when stated in a bathroom. Lastly, in the parking garage after the movie, an entire car of people whizzed by, screaming out the window that they liked my hair. I don't know what to make of that.

Can you hear that? That's the sound of old people kicking the crap out of you. And you love it.

Red tells the story of Frank Moses played by Bruce Willis (I feel like bald hard-asses in movies are always named Frank). Frank is retired from the CIA, and spends his days waking up at 6am, pummeling punching bags (I will say this, Bruce Willis is old, but he still looks like he could legit fuck you up), attempting to keep up with neighborhood Christmas light displays and ripping up his pension checks so he has an excuse to talk to Sarah in customer service or whatever the hell her job title would be. Sarah is bored and lonely and played by Mary Louise Parker, who is unbelievably cute and I love her to bits. She has officially made my list of people I would watch even if the movie was just them chasing a kitten for an hour (see Robert Downey Jr and Liam Neeson). Anyway, her and Frank strike up a phone-friendship and just when Frank is getting up the balls to meet Sarah in person, shit gets real.

Shit, meet gun.

The CIA is trying to kill Frank for whatever reason, and also Sarah, because apparently the CIA knows he wants to bone her. Yeah. So Frank and Sarah end up on the run from Cooper, a ruthless CIA agent who actually ends up having some ruth after all. He's played by Karl Urban and mostly just grimaces meaningfully a lot. But it's cool, we aren't here to see him. For supporting cast we have Morgan Freeman as Joe, the lovable covert killer, Helen Mirren as Victoria, a classy lady who calls Frank "Francis" and calmly explains to Sarah that if she breaks Frank's heart, Victoria will kill her and dump her body in the woods. She's a softie.

There's also Brian Cox as this Russian agent dude, Ivan. Normally, in pretty much everything I've ever seen him in, Brian Cox creeps me the hell out. I dunno why, there's just something about him that consistently makes my skin crawl. Here though, he's not that bad and actually almost a little endearing when he starts slow-dancing with Helen Mirren.

Maybe it's the purple pimp suit

But hands down, my absolute favorite made-the-movie character is Marvin, played by John Malkovich, being more batshit crazy than he has in AGES. Marvin is insanely paranoid and violent and we find out that when he was an active agent he was given daily doses of LSD for eleven years, which have left him kind of a mess. But he has all the best lines, moments, and this bit:

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's a Spin and Say strapped to his chest. And it's AWESOME

He also kills a rocket launcher with a bullet. So great. Anyway, the oldsters travel around evading baddies and when the mood suits, killing the crap out of them. It's amazing and fun and explodey and I spent the whole movie with a massive smile on my face. The characters aren't terribly deep but every actor manages to flesh them out by turning in a great performance and there's so much cool shit going on that you don't care. The whole over-arching plot against our aged agents turns out to be kind of half-baked and lame but that's the only major complaint I can think of. So there.

Also, just saying, despite the age difference, Bruce Willis and Mary Louise Parker are fucking adorable and actually rock some good chemistry. which makes their romance work, unlike some other May/December potentially icky relationships in movies I've reviewed:


They gave it their best shot, but no.



*vomits in mouth*

So overall, this is an amazingly awesome movie filled with hilarity, explosions, and old people doing things that are generally far too awesome to be done by old people. Like high-kicking. Also Mermaid Man has a delightful cameo. Some may know him as Ernest Borgnine, but he will always be Mermaid Man to me. Some have complained that Red lacks characterization and story, and just doesn't bring enough to the table to satisfy an audience. My argument is as follows:

Suck it

Four catapults out five. Go, old people!!

Ok, now it's really late and I be tired. This is Sugary Cynic, wondering why Helen Mirren isn't my grandmother. 'Night!

(There is an ominous gunshot and then we see that Marvin has shot a particularly irritating bad dude in the back)

Frank: "Feel better?"

Marvin: "Yeah. You guys wanna get pancakes?"

Friday, October 22, 2010

Technical Difficulties aka Shit Be Broke

Stay tuned for when shit be less broke.



Hopefully soon.

A Bit of Perspective

In the end, it doesn't matter all that much. Oh don't get me wrong, it's important and all. But the world won't end, I promise. It's going to be ok eventually, even if it's not now. And even then, it' still probably more ok than you think. For instance:

You are alive

You are not currently on fire (as far as I know)

You own a computer (again, only a guess but a pretty good one since you're reading this. I guess you could also own a Smart Phone in this case, but that's still pretty cool because I don't own a Smart Phone)

Things are only as bad or good or important or trivial as you make them out to be. I might not make my after-college let's-go-to-Japan-and-teach-English magical scholarship but it's not the end of the world. Life goes on and shit, usually not the way we planned it either. You can plan out your whole life but that's no guarantee that it'll work out that way. Play it loosey goosey and see what happens, even though loosey goosey is an admittedly retarded turn of phrase I think you get what I'm saying here.

Maybe high school sucks, maybe your job sucks, maybe college sucks but you can change it, even if it's something as tiny as just changing your perspective but if that doesn't work (and I know it doesn't always, perspective's fucking hard to change sometimes, especially if something REALLY sucks) but you still have two things you can ALWAYS fall back on:

You're still not on fire (ok this one only works for the times you're not on fire)

Things will change

And they will. School will end, jobs begin and end and change and sometimes it's for better and sometimes it's for worse but the point is that it's always changing so if something sucks don't let it get you down because it won't be that way forever. Much shorter than forever.

Ok, you put up with my rambling. In the meantime, listen to this and feel happy because it's the best soundtrack EVER:



And if that doesn't float your boat (even though it should, dammit), here's this:



Best. Entrance. EVER.

David Letterman is a weenie.

I got nothin' else for ya. Movie review tomorrow. Horrid movie to review, actually. At least I didn't ask you to vote. 'Night!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I Have A Lovely Piece of Paper

It says that I won things and has my name spelled correctly and everything (you'd be surprised how rare that is). I went down to the main center campus thingy today and read my story despite my utter terror. Which I admit is weird because it's obvious if you read even just a couple posts that I'm a camera whore and have no qualms about making an ass of myself on the internet. But if I just post a video online then that's it, it's viewed by the unseen multitude, emphasis on unseen. Reading to a whole room of people. Reading my work (shuddercringe) to a whole room of people...that's another story, one that involves anxiety and dry heaves.



But my brother, Javi, Ashley and Andy where there to swat me upside the head and push me onstage, so I did it and used my Big Girl voice and it was all good.

We also finished up Day 3 of the Zombie Invasion. So far I have avoided zombie confrontation by being stealthy (read: fleeing in abject terror everytime I see someone who might maybe perhaps be a zombie. While also shrieking, just in case). But that doesn't mean I'm not prepared. I never leave my room without my trust thigh-high striped sock:

You think Delila's bad, Alexa named hers Vera Wang

I'll keep you updated on whether or not I become one of the flesh-eating undead.

Not much else to say, my life has been tragically bereft of movies lately, and much to my deep and unending sorrow, I still haven't seen Red. I've just had schoolwork up the ass, ya know. Stupid college, learning things and doing work. Dumb.

One last thing: I don't know what this is. It frightens me on a weird, almost primal level. And I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT:



"We won't fight unless we're provoked"

I am scared, but oh so intrigued. Back to thesis work for now, as well as the occasional thudding of my head meeting my desk. Hello Mr. Desk, please make the thesis go away now *THUD*. Oh Mr. Desk, he's a thoughtful one.

This is Sugary...waittaminute what's my name? (HEAD TRAUMA, YEAH!!) Er...Sugary Cinnamon saying "If I had a refrigerator, rest assured I would have taped my certificate to it...and also ow" 'Night!

(After my reading)

My brother: "Aren't you glad you did that?"

Me: "Yeah, I am. Thanks a lot"

My brother: "Aren't you glad you didn't wimp out like a bitch?"

Me: "Yes, I'm glad I didn't wimp out like a bitch"

My brother: "And aren't you glad you're not a sad, ball-less eunuch who's only purpose in life is to fan me with palm leaves?"

Me: "...."

My brother: "But you're not. You're with me getting fanned and we're gonna fistbump!"

(Vote)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Writing A Presentation

For the Immigration class that I hate while watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel. It's such a ridiculous and hilarious show. Three "bros" travel to haunted hot spots, act like douches, try to provoke and antagonize various pseudo-ghost types things and then freak the fuck out if there is the slightest shift in the wind.

"Bro, did you hear that? DID YOU HEAR THAT? THIS PLACE IS FULL OF GHOSTS AND SHIT"

You do not understand how much I love this show.

So yeah. Busy with schoolwork. In the meantime please enjoy this music video from Kid Cudi's song Erase Me:



I love how Kanye just sort of appears and takes over the video like, "Cudi, you were doing a good job and all, but I got this. It's ok. It's my song now"

Also, someone had this video on their Facebook and it cracked me up. It's a bunch of guys riffing on some dude's Youtube play-through of Mario 64. I posit a question to any Brit readers on here, how many English people actually sound like this guy?



Seriously, is this common?

Ok, back to work. Oh wait, VOTE DAMMIT. And don't be all like "Sugary Cynic, I already voted so shut up" because 1. that shit be rude and 2. you can vote once a day. Prove your love and you shall be rewarded with...things. and stuff. Gimmee a minute and I'll think of something good. In the meantime, work. UGH. 'Night!

My brother: "I have this fantasy where Kanye West and Kid Cudi are like, traveling together and their limo breaks down outside of school and they're like 'Hey man, we got all these bags of money and illegal narcotics and have no one to share it with. Let's give it to our biggest fan in the world who's name starts with the the letter J.' And cut to a montage of me, Kanye and Kid Cudi hanging out and watching movies, and running through fields and just being friends. It'd be awesome"

Me: "..."

Monday, October 18, 2010

Mixing Business With Pleasure

Notable Things:

I have survived Day One of the zombie outbreak. My own brother got infected and then tried to infect me, the little butt-monkey. I smacked him with my sock and got away safely. Only two more weeks to go >_<

Remember this contest thingy? I won it. :D First place, bizzatches. Except now they want me to go down to the main campus and read it to people or something (shudder). Oh well.

I have entered a contest to be a TV host for this show-thingy called Paradise Hunter, which would chronicle the globe-trotting adventures of its host. You make a minute long video and then people vote on it. You can vote once a day, every day til the end of the contest. You know where this is going...



Vote for me and my bad self here!

Next item of business, Unwashed Mass continues his domination of the banner quote game, this time the quote was from ol' Jack Burton from the John Carpenter WTF classic, Big Trouble In Little China. For his paint picture, Unwashed wanted Helen Mirren writing rude words on Steven Spielberg's car. Fuck you for making me have to draw a car:

Yes, she is in a swimsuit


How else would you know it was Helen Mirren?

Next, my brother the musical swashbuckler, who has already released one intermanet album, is working on another, mixing songs from this awesome indie-electro-pop band Passion Pit with things that are not Passion Pit. Here's the first song off of it:



There, dude. That's rather a lot for someone who tried to zombify me. You butt.

Next, someone please tell me what this is, every time my brain starts to conceive an idea of what this trailer might be, it convulses and vomits rainbows:



What. The. Fuck.

I need to see it. It's not even a matter of want. I don't have a choice in the matter.

On a mildly related note, that song is awesome (It's Souljacker Pt. 1 by the Eels)



And what does that leave us with? Oh yeah, this:

I want to call it, but I keep chickening out. Who out there can dare to be ballsier than me? If you can, call and let me know what happens. Just try to avoid a Marty McFly situation.

And I think that's it. This is Sugary Cynic, more transfixed by Nicholas Cage's horrifying new hairpiece than the explosions and fast cars. 'Night!

(At dinner there was horrible joke about "carpets" in relation to, ya know, lady business, which lead to a truly disturbed round of A Whole New World and talking of taking someone on a magic carpet ride and not daring to close their eyes)

Brenda: "Please tell me this is going in the blog!"

Me: "Not sure where I could fit something like this in..."

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