Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And Then Nothing Happened

Seriously, today was like a vast ocean of emptiness, tedium and textbook selling. No movies, no crazy adventures, it was...so boring.



Hmmm, no. No, this will not do at all.

Ok guys, today I was going to sell my books but then I was attacked by a rampaging wildebeest! (audience reaction: hot damn!) I know! So it charged at me but I faked left and grabbed it's horns and it's head came off!! (audience: SICK, YO) but it's all right, because it turns out that it was just a costume being worn in tandem by Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer!! (audience: wait...what?) and then the wildebeest costume became a transformer but then it also exploded from FOUR DIFFERENT ANGLES. And then I saw who exploded the wildebeest, it was...

HELEN MIRREN. (Audience: What the hell is even going on anymore?) And she was all "So we meet again!" and I was like "I never met you before, I've just had a ton of blog hits from people searching for pictures of you in a swimsuit!!" and then we Matrix fought, for like, twenty minutes and then I summoned the power of friendship and kicked her so hard she saw the curvature of the earth (points for anyone who gets that reference), and then I sold my textbooks and only made like, thirty bucks.

There. That was the highlight of my day. Is that better?



...So, about Jess's paint picture. Yesterday she finally made her request and it makes up for delay in awesomeness as she asked for Harry and Ginny in a "compromising" position as Mrs. Weasley runs in screaming her immortal book 7 catchphrase and they're all at Hogwarts, which is apparently crumbling.

YES.

Jess, you are a twisted person after my own heart...you should probably seek help.

Sorry I failed to capture the magic of Hogwarts crumbling, but this is definitely the raciest thing I have ever drawn: just look at that hawt Snape on snake action! Get 'im, Severus!

...I'm gonna go to bed now. I gots packing and junk to take care of. This is Sugary Cynic saying "There's an elder wand for you, in my pants" 'Night!

(At lunch)

Sacha: "I had to write a paper where it was a conversational dialogue between two of the philosophers we had studied and I had to like, write it as their personalities"

Me:"See, I would suck at that. I'd be all like, doing Descartes and Plato and Descartes would be all like 'Hey Plato, fuck you!' and Plato would be all like 'Screw you, Descartes! I lived in Ancient Greece and stuff!' and then they'd start to fight, but then stop, and then Descartes would get lost in Plato's eyes and then they'd make out"

Christina: "Dr. White would be stunned"

Me: "Only for a moment, then he'd smack me upside the head and be like 'Bitch, I ship Descartes and Kant!'"

There, Christina. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

9 comments:

  1. Oh come on, like you didn't have fun doing the Time Warp with me while you and Javi were selling books back.

    You make it sound like nothing happened at all in there. XD

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  2. When saying the "There's an elder wand for you, in my pants" line, remember that the Elder Wand is FIFTEEN INCHES LONG.

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  3. Best Christmas present ever! Snape and snake totally made up for no hogwarts. Mrs weasley's look of rage is perfect!

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  4. That curvature of the earth thing is from scott pilgrim vs the world! I win!

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  5. It sounds like a fairly epic day for being boring...you must get really worn out on the busy days :)

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  6. Curvature of the earth = Scott Pilgrim! Duh. Only he was fighting some 80 foot guy after defeating 90 of his clones, or something to that effect. Damn, I need to watch that again. Oh, hello DVD of awesomeness! Ready to play one more time?

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  7. Dude, you should've just sold me your textbooks. I mean, I wouldn't have paid you or nothing, but you would've gotten good karma in cast of Spiritual Apocalypse. Yeah.

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  8. Rachael: Tis true, we will always have the bookstore time warp.

    Anon: All the better to LOVE you with.

    Jess: Glad you like :D

    Ameer: Indeed! You win a sense of entitlement and satisfaction!

    Ron: All my days are epic, some are just slightly less epic than others

    Jacob: Correct, but Ameer beat you to it. All you win is crushing regret. At least you have your Scott Pilgrim DVD, that's more than me :(

    Christina: Yay!

    Simon: Hey, if you wanted The Indigenous Tribes of Napo Runa you shoulda asked for it

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