Thursday, October 28, 2010

I Hate You, Thomas Pynchon

More specifically, I hate writing papers about you, Thomas Pynchon.

For a reclusive author hiding away from humanity he sure does love doing guest voices on the Simpsons (he's done it twice but I can't find the other time online anywhere).

But still. HATE.

Why do I hate Thomas Pynchon? For the obvious and admittedly petty reason that I do not understand Gravity's Rainbow, his sprawling, epic 760 page mess of who-the-fuck-knows.


And I am trying to write a paper on it. That is due tomorrow. >_< Don't get me wrong, I tried to understand it, approach it with an open mind and all that. And to be fair, some bits of it ARE great, just the way that they're written or how something is described but as a whole it only serves to frighten and confuse me. And seriously, what the hell is up with all the dicks and poop?! I've known middle schoolers less obsessed with dicks and poop. And I don't want to be all "Oh he said penis and talked about sex, this book is obscene" but I don't understand WHY he does it SO MUCH. Like 30% of this book is poop alone. What the hell?! Why is this a culturally significant novel? What is going on?

How I hate you. You and your lack of updated photographs and mysteriously missing college file, and your naval records that just happened to be lost in a fire. Weirdo.

Is it a trident or a pitchfork? Either works. Also how is he running away without any eyeholes?

I dislike you most intensely Thomas Pynchon. I'd ask you to write my paper for me in reparation, but I don't think my professor would appreciate 700+ pages about drugs and poo. Oh well.

This is Sugary Cynic, off to hunt down Thomas Pynchon, who may or may not live in New York's Upper West Side and may or may not be about to receive an angry kick in the crotch. 'Night!


  1. I like the fact that his t shirt is helpfully labeled in your artist's impression. He wrote that lot crying book, didn't he? I seem to remember quite liking that. Can't remember anything about it though. Never mind. Good luck with the paper!

  2. I'm a train ride away from his supposed hideout. I can do some investigative searching for you.

    He probably hates you too, though. There have been weirder books with a lot more gratuitous body fluids.

  3. Unwashed: Ok, I amend my statement: I hate Gravity's Rainbow. I actually liked Crying of Lot 49

    Simon: Yes but no one's forced me to read one for a grade yet :p

  4. You've increased my knowledge on the subject matter, thumbs up!
    Purchase Thesis

  5. If you'd ask us to write your paper, but you don't think your professor would appreciate 700+ pages about drugs... let us do this for you:) Our are particularizes in hundreds of university topics and dozens of academic disciplines!


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