Monday, September 27, 2010

Spoiler Alert!

Warning! Incorrect Spoilers below!

Rosebud was Citizen Kane's favorite Swedish hooker, the kid in The Sixth Sense was dead the whole time, Soylent Green is made of puppies, Neo and Trinity buy a house in the Matrix, Benicio Del Toro's character was Keyser Soze, the man in The Crying Game was really a woman, Tyler Durden is actually the narrator's grandfather, Darth Vader is Luke's best friend from Jedi Academy, Russell Crowe's best friend in A Beautiful Mind is crazy, Hagrid kills Dumbledore, The Planet of the Apes is actually a moon, The Village is actually in a zoo in the future, the 300 Spartans surrender, The Blair Witch is also Keyser Soze, Bugs Bunny framed Roger Rabbit, they never find Nemo, the Fifth Element is Shredded Wheat, the Da Vinci Code revealed that Jesus was black, ET kills the children, the killer in Psycho was Keyser Soze too, and on Lost, Locke makes sweet love to the Island and it gives birth to the polar bear.

And now you know.

5 comments:

  1. And THOSE are how the movies SHOULD have gone! But what do I know...I am Keyser Soze.

    I watch a movie last night with my boyfriend and thought of you (no not porn so get your mind out of that space). It stars Sean Connery and I think it is kind of obscure and from 1973...he is doing a review of it on his blog I'll hook you up when he posts it! <3

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  2. Woo! Thanks for saving me from the Crying Game.

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  3. Widow: Aren't we all Keyser Soze, on the inside?

    Simon: I do what I can

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  4. If we lived closer...I would DEMAND we make a youtube video about Keyser Soze in the spirit of "I AM SPARTICUS!" Mwhahahahahahahaha!

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