Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sooo...Why Did No One Tell Me Canadians Were Bad-ass?

I feel like this is something I should I have been informed of. I realize that they are often quite funny (Dan Akroyd, Michael J. Fox, Will Arnett, Mike Meyers, etc.), occasionally quite sexy (Ryan Reynolds, Nathan Fillion, Jensen Ackles), and every so often an abomination against nature (you people are responsible for both Keanu Reeves AND Justin Beiber!!)

But also they are apparently quite kick-ass, or at least the ones in Bon Cop Bad Cop are.

Fuck yeah, Canada!

Things I learned from Bon Cop Bad Cop:

Everyone from Quebec is insane wants to kill you. In French.

Non-Quebecois Canadians are much more straight-laced and well, Canadian.

You CAN stuff someone in a trunk and give a language lesson at the same time!

Hockey is totally so important it is worth murdering bitches over.

Swearing is fun in any language.

Bombs can be recycled.

Canadian movie police chiefs, while just as on-the-verge-of-a-heart-attack as American movie police chiefs are much more lenient towards things exploding, suspects being incinerated or otherwise destroyed beyond all recognition, and also coming into work high. You won't even get taken off the case.

I can add to my (very short) list of movies it was worth learning French for.

Bon Cop Bad Cop tells the story of a mysterious corpse that ends up falling straight in the middle of the border between Ontario and Quebec, leading to unlikely team-up of a crazy French-Canadian cop named David Bouchard who refuses to play by the rules and looks like he beats people with tire irons on a regular basis and a goody-two shoes turtle-neck wearing English-speaking cop named Martin Ward who spends his mornings ironing his pants. As you can imagine, wackiness ensues. Awesome, bilingual wackiness.

I feel like I would have enjoyed learning French more if it had been taught to me while solving crimes and stuffing dudes in trunks.

So David and Martin discover that the murders of various Canadians are connected by their links to the hockey industry and realize that the killer is purposefully targeting hockey-people because he's pissed that the top Canadian team is being sold to Houston.

There's chases and explosions and conjunctive adjectives and an accidental inhalation of lots of marijuana. This movie has everything. Also the two leads play off each other great and are very funny. If French is not a language you have any familiarity with, worry not, there are subtitles for all the French but you have to be on your toes because all the characters will rapidly switch between English and French multiple times in the course of a conversation. Apparently also all the hockey characters are thinly veiled spoofs of actual hockey people but I wouldn't know because I know this much about hockey:

You play it on ice

The way to win involves either scoring the most goals or beating the shit out of the other team until they can't score any more goals...I think.

So yeah, basically it's a completely bilingual cop movie about Canadians, hockey and language barriers. AND YET IT WAS SO AWESOME. THEY BLOW A DUDE UP, THEY STRAIGHT UP EXPLODE A MOFO AND IT IS SO BAD-ASS!! La mauvaise cannette de fil de bonne cannette de fil obtient quatre des catapultes et demi sur cinq. In bad French, that means: Bon Cop Bad Cop gets four and a half catapults out of five.

This is Sugary Cynic, hoping her paper will spontaneously appear on her computer through magic. Gypsy magic, preferably. 'Night!

(David is surprised as Martin suddenly speaks to him in French)

David: "You speak French?!"

Martin: "No, not really. I had a small gadget installed in my brain and I see subtitles under people when they speak"


  1. hahaha awesome. Canadians are hard-core.

  2. I picked a good year to take French class seriously!

    Actually, Canada was the secret badass during WW2. Those are some crazy motherfuckers.

  3. Angie: Seriously, this movie ruled. I will now approach any and all Canadians as though they are about to stuff me in a trunk

    Simon: Indeed you did!


Share the love! Or, alternatively, the hate. Whichever, I'm easy

These Are Also Nice

Related Posts with Thumbnails