Friday, September 24, 2010

Orson Welles Would Like To Talk To You About Sharks

And when Orson Welles wants to discuss something with you, generally you should listen:

Yes, Orson Welles cannot do an Irish accent. If that's all you noticed then you severely missed the point. The movie is Lady From Shanghai, which has absolutely nothing to do with Shanghai. It does have to do with forbidden love, murder plots, weird cruises taken with weirder characters, a court room scene that can't decide if it's goofy or dramatic and a surreal and wonderful finale that takes place in a funhouse hall of mirrors. And yeah, a really godawful Irish accent. After watching this movie, I had to invent a genre for it: screwball drama. If this were any other movie, it would play like some kind of wacky dark comedy but it's not, it's played totally straight and serious and *somehow* it works. I blame the voodoo of Orson Welles and anyway, it's less than an hour and a half long and worth sitting through if only for this excellent scene and the final scene as well.

It also doesn't hurt to have Rita Hayworth in it either

So today was pretty bland, with the bizarre exception of my Peoples of Latin America class where we watched this incredibly old VHS that was recorded off something even older about the Mayan cargo system in Guatemala, which is a way of selecting ceremonial backers for various saint's fiestas. Why the hell am I telling you this? Because the voice narrating it sounded so familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. About halfway through the film, it hit me:

David Mother-Fucking Carradine was teaching me about the Guatemalan Maya. Hell yes.

And yes I did look it up just to be sure.(And if I can digress for a moment, say what you want about Quentin Tarantino being overrated or a dick or having a weird foot fetish, you have to admit he has unbelievable ear for dialogue)

So yeah. That's about it. Also, recently Sylvester Stallone was voted the Ultimate Action Hero by...some poll thingy. Which is bullshit. Bruce Willis, dude. And Jackie Chan wasn't even on the list, which is like, bullshit squared. Whatevs. Who's your personal favorite action hero of all time? Bruce Lee? Harrison Ford? Arnie? Betty White?

This is Sugary Cynic saying "And where the hell is Clint Eastwood? You guys suck at polling!" 'Night!

"The only way to stay out of trouble is to grow old, so I guess I'll concentrate on that" -Orson Welles as Michael O'Hara in Lady From Shanghai


  1. Damn! That accent has made me giggle. He did better as Harry Lime though (and I'm a limey, so I should know).

  2. Oh my god, that is awful. Just...dude. We, as a country, must apoligise to Ireland for the atrocities done against their accents. Brad Pitt, not this?

    No Clint Eastwood? Damn fools.

    I first heard of LFS in Limits of Control, when it started getting really meta.

  3. Simon: Welles was doing an English accent in the third man?

  4. Simon: I heart Harry Lime. Way more than I really ought to.

    Simon: Oh...this is going to get confusing. I will have to designate you Simon people. And yeah, shitty Irish accents of the world, unite!

    Unwashed: As far as I know, Harry Lime was an American. I think Simon H was makin a pun...or something

  5. I'm Simon One, and this new guy is Simon H. There, problem solved. I should put this on my next job application.

  6. He has a cool enough voice without Efffing it up with an accent that is soooooo easy to do, yet...yet...WTF is wrong with people who can't do accents?!?!?!?!? They have ears and can hear...Anywho...Rita Hayworth I'd go gay for and that is saying something! She just mega rules with coolness that can't be contested. She and Helen Mirren...I wish I could be them! Great post Gurlie!

  7. Simon: Now bring that over to Israel Palestine and we're set

    Widow: See that's what I thought!! He has such a cool voice, why does he have to ruin it with that ridiculous excuse for an accent? If I were Irish I think a little piece of me would've died

  8. Doh! I got confused there. The film Harry Lime is indeed American (although he's British in the novella). So in which film is it that Welles does an English accent? I'm sure there is one...


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