Saturday, September 18, 2010

In Which I Lose All My Respect For Orlando Bloom (Cuz There Was So Much To Begin With)

Woah, afternoon post?! SHOCK! I'm writing and it's daylight out. My mind, she is blown. Anyway, there might be a legit movie review later on, depending on how the night goes but there's something that I wanted to talk about RIGHT NOW:

I know not whether to laugh or cry. No wait, it's laugh, definitely laugh

We always knew Ol' Orly was a bit of a sissy, but at least he was a hot sissy:

Why yes, you can totally read me your "sensitive" poems about birds. Just do it with your shirt off

So why's he dressed like he's on his way to a convention for the Foppishly Hilarious? *Sigh* because they're making another Three Musketeers. Because this such a fresh and awesome idea that

totally


hasn't


been


overdone


at all


So yeah, apparently Bloom has been tapped to play the Duke of Buckingham. But don't worry, he's not the only one embarrassing himself. There's also,


Christoph Waltz as Cardinal Richeleu (He's trying to hide, but it's hard to do in that bright red cape)


That dude who cried blood tears in Casino Royale as Rochefort (and looking like he just pooped himself a bit)



Milla Jovovich as the Lady D'Wynter (and apparently trapped in some kind of mirror-thing)



Mister Darcy as a very hairy Athos



And Logan Lerman (pause for intense bouts of laughter) as D'Artagnan (OhGodICan'tBreathe)


The film also stars Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson as Aramis and Porthos, but they are apparently a lot better at avoiding having their picture taken. The film's due for April of 2011 I believe, and I'm not gonna lie, I wanna see it. Based on just these pictures. This look's like it will be absolutely hilariously shitty. Like a trainwreck of clown cars or something. Also, it's directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, aka the dude who brought us such gems as Mortal Kombat, Death Race, Alien vs Predator and the lumbering Resident Evil series. Sounds like a winner to me! *wink*

So yeah. Chew on that one for awhile. And here's a little something for the road:

(insert wild paroxysms of laughter here)

4 comments:

  1. I like Logan Lerman. He was the only good thing about Meet Bill.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am totally quoting you on my facebook page...don't worry, I'll let them know it was you! Mwhahahahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jesus Christ. The kid from "Percy Jackson" is D'Artagnan? Paul WS Anderson directing? Orlando Bloom's bubble is burst. He'll be painting and decorating after this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Simon: I have nothing against him thematically speaking, but you gotta admit, that picture is extremely silly-looking.

    Widow: I enjoy being quoted :D I just wanna know what quote!!

    Unwashed: It's like the perfect storm of awful

    ReplyDelete

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