Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Medieval History and You

Here's what I know about British Royal history circa Feudal-y times:

There's an awful lot of it.

Royal families inbred worse than a Mississippi redneck clan.

Bitches got assassinated like, all the time.

The church was scary.

People got plagues like nobody's business.

A king totally died eating lampreys and that is hilarious (I don't which king).

There were legitimacy wars for the throne that happened more often than someone famous releasing a sex tape

There was a War of the Roses and it sadly was not about competitive flower arranging.

There were Tudors or something and according to Showtime, they were mad hot:

You try looking that good with plagues going on all the time

Why am I sharing my (lack of) medieval English knowledge with you? Because I started watching this miniseries thing that's on Starz (which I can't afford) and Netflix (which I can!), called Pillars of the Earth, which is about like, four or so of the things I mentioned that I know about medieval history. Also it is pretty rad.

Anyone else think Ian McShane looks like Chief Sitting Bull?

It's apparently based on a book by Ken Follet that tops out at around 1,000 pages, so yeah, TV miniseries is the way to go!

The real joke here being that that is a dictionary and the dog is actually illiterate

So yeah, it's full of intrigue and plots for the throne and murders and stuff. And also I don't care who judges me, Rufus Sewell is a good looking man.

And now I get to watch prance around in period clothing as a good guy character for once!

So yeah, one of those complex, intertwining stories that I don't feel like explaining cuz everyone's someone's illegitimate child, and ladies keep getting raped, and monks are all conflicted, and there's some intensely creepy mother-son incest with a noblewoman, her kid and a discreet but horrifying handjob. But Donald Sutherland actually swordfights a dude, which is awesome! Mr. Darcy is all naive and celibate and worshipin' the LORD and Ian McShane is all conniving and flagellating (there are few things in life weirder than watching Ian McShane flagellate himself, it's awkward)

Waaagh! Why is Chief Sitting Bull whacking himself on the back with a belt?! (also he was shirtless at the time >_<)

Anywhoo, despite that, it's great fun, it takes itself waaay too seriously and it hooked me in, which says a lot because I'm rockin a goldfish level attention span. Also, on a random note, it has Allison Pill in it as King Henry's daughter fighting against her cousin for the throne. For those not in the know, Pill plays Kim Pine in Scott Pilgrim!

Royalty, bitches!!

And I have spewed on about a television show long enough. Also I've got work in the morning so buzz off!

No really, beat it.


  1. yayayayaya!! i read this pillars of the earth a long time ago and when i saw there was gonna be a miniseries i was so excited. i've watched like 2 episodes so far and it's interesting. hope it gets better. the book was awesome :)

  2. The Tudors is trashy and gross. Rufus Sewell kicks ass.

    Wikipedia 'Most interesting deaths'. It has the Lambpreys guy. And a million other awesome things that may or may not involve death. Or something.

  3. Bryan: It's definitely made me want to read the book. Is it easy to get a hold of?

    Simon: I've never actually watched the Tudors, so I wouldn't know. I've just seen their sexy, sexy ads


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