Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Reporting Live From My Mother's Computer

So I ordered a new charger and in the meantime am still using my mom's computer as she lurks in the background on the couch, playing bejeweled on her ipod and occasionally shooting me dirty looks.

Anywhoo, not much going on in my world, had these freaking cute three year old boys who only wanted to watch Barney so I put on a video called "Barney's Magical Musical Adventure" and ohmysweetjesus even when I was little kid I wasn't too fond of the big purple dinosaur but now I CAN'T FUCKING STAND HIM. Nevermind that his voice is more irritating than silverware scraping a glass window, ignore that he seems constantly on the verge of molesting the kids on the show who are, frankly, way too old to be imagining a giant dinosaur and singing nursery rhymes. Even ignoring the inanity that goes far beyond "it's made for small children" and into the world of "it's made for your house pets when they are stoned" and there is just something creepy about Barney...

Yeah, that fits about right

But the boys loved it, so what do I know?

Also I am losing my shit for Inception, which two of my lucky-bastard friends got to see a press-screening of (how they did this is beyond me but I'm guessing it involved giving sexual favors to Chris Nolan in an alleyway) and they say it's the greatest, most awesomest thing ever, akin to God appearing on screen in the form of a puppy with a sub machine gun that shoots cupcakes. I might be paraphrasing just a bit. I'm probably going to see it this weekend and if it's awesomeness doesn't make my brain melt out of my ears like so much brain-fluid flavored JELLO then a review will be up soon.

Before I go, here's a video that proves everything is better when you speed it up and replace the audio with Benny Hill chase music. Not that this video really needs to be better:

I'd say the most embarrassing thing is that she did it all in the Scion Box-mobile. Dayumn.

This is Sugary Cynic saying "I miss my 'puter...hey this one has webcam games!"

"The idea of a seance is at the forefront of almost every "Barney" program. On one show Mother Goose talks to the children from one of her books. Led by Barney, the children commune with Mother Goose and conduct a seance to bring her to them. As they sing and dance their little ditty she — poof! — appears in their presence. The Bible calls that necromancy and says a person who participates in such behavior is an abomination unto the Lord. This kind of occult activity fills the "Barney" material. Conjuring someone up is certainly not kids' play!" -Some psychotic bastard who seriously wrote a whole book on Barney's satanic evil called "Purple Messiah" WTF


  1. Why is your hair all poka-dotted?

    Wikipedia Barney and find out why, exactly, he is Satan.


  2. Great post...good luck with the computer.

    The chase video was hilarious!

    I have long believed Barney to be the purple Charles Manson.

    Be well, Ron

  3. Simon: cuz my dye is fading out and my real hair color is starting to poke through in patches. also wikipedia is where I got the quote lol

    Ron: thanks, and yeah I could watch that thing twenty times and still find it funny

  4. Awesome! I love Bejeweled too Im awesome at it! I loved the Video Chase Scene Im stealing for Face Book...Ill credit you with a Thanks!

  5. There were no sex acts involved in the getting of tickets. I did, however, have to wear a push-up bra.

  6. Muffin: spreading the video can only lead to good things

    Brenda: well then I was close...sort of

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