Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Reboots, Remakes and...Er, Resequels?

Discovered in Barnes and Noble the other day:

I think the phrase "disco stardom" really just ties it all together

So, today's post is a part of a blogamathon by that Kid Who Tends To Sit Way Down In Front, and the theme, if you haven't guessed and have a family of voles where your brain is supposed to be, is sequels, reboots and remakes: thoughts, opinions and generally juvenile humor.

...It could work. Hey, it's better than Logan Lerman!

On remakes and reboots:

In theory, this is a good idea. Take something that was awesome and do something more with it, either update it so it can touch a whole new generation, or maybe with current technology make it as awesome as it was meant to be when conceived but couldn't be because it was made in olden times before CGI and color TVs. In practice, these usually suck because they are slapdash, shitty, with no respect paid to the source material and done for the money.

It's only a matter of time, really.

The only good reboot/remake thing I can think of off the top of my head is Batman Begins, because it brought dignity and badassery back to the world of Batman. How? By writing a strong story, paying proper respect to the source material and losing those goddamn batsuit nipples. It was the Batman that everyone had been wanting and now with new tech, a director who was not off his meds and good actors, it could be done.

George Lucas also chose to do this with Star Wars, update his baby and give it the techno-awesome that was in his head from the beginning but that he was never able to-

Oh right, I forgot. Those were terrible.

Sequels are a bit more of a mixed bag. Sometimes a story is begging to be continued and people fall in love with characters that they want to see in new situations and scenarios. And sometimes franchises need to be milked of every last cent. This is what separates the Shrek 3's from the Toy Story 3's, the 50th Saw movie in the last two years Dark Knight?

Look, the sooner we just admit Christopher Nolan is our Geek God the better

What am I rambling about? Reboots and remakes aren't necessarily a bad idea, The Departed is a kicking remake of Infernal Affairs that stands well on it's own, but do we REALLY need to redo Spiderman? And does the fact that Let Me In looks really faithful to Let The Right One In give it justification to exist? (The answer is no), and if he's in China doing MATERNAL FORNICATING KUNG-FU just call it the freaking Kung-Fu Kid!!

Ahem. Sequels, on the other hand, can be a great continuation of a wonderful beginning, provided the same heart and soul that made the first one so likable is infused into the sequel. And if they really do make Indiana Jones 5 I will stab Stephen Spielberg in the eyeball with an icepick.

This is Sugary Cynic saying "I had to save pictures of Taylor Lautner, Megan Fox and Jar Jar Binks to my computer. I feel...unclean" 'Night!

Sheri: "So does Inception look good?"

Me: "People have described it like Christopher Nolan popping out of the screen and giving everyone homemade cupcakes with pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles while all the cast serenades you and Leonardo Dicaprio gently rocks you in your chair. Something like that"


  1. You actually liked the tripe that was the last two "Batman" (in sarcastic air quotes) movies? I rented them out of the RedBox machine, and felt so cheated I tried getting my dollar back. Clooney made a better Batman. Only Watchmen was worse than that. Yech. Alright, I am calm now. There is no reason to remake Spiderman, they see it just as we see it a quick money grab. They are remaking Buffy The Vampire Slayer WITHOUT Joss Whedon. Yeah, that is really going to be watchable. The people doing the film have already stated they are throwing it together quick to capitalize on the Twilight Vampire rush. Now I am angry again. Grrrrrrrrrrr. I'm picking my picture already for the next time I win. You stabbing Christian Bale "Batboy" with him whimpering like a little girl that Clooney is the real Batman. Ha! I feel better now. Next week I am sooo winning.

  2. Methinks someone has been weened on too much "Saturday-morning-cartoon Batman", although Clooney did rock the Bat-suit like no other. But that's because he's George-fucking-Clooney.

    And yeah, I'm about sick to death of all the remakes and sequels and remakes of stuff recently remade. Who the fuck decided we needed to do Spider Man AGAIN?? Do they think that if people don't already recognize or relate to an idea or title in a film, they won't bother to see it? Uh, Inception anyone? Hello! I think it is time to start throwing some screenplays at Hollywood and become a millionaire because I'm sure I can come up with a few ideas that would at least look original to these morons.

  3. "Clooney made a better Batman"? You people are sick.

  4. Rich: you are a cool dude and all but I must massively disagree with you in this instance. A. Clooney sucked, he could do millionaire playboy but that's kinda it. B. That whole movie was bright neon-retarded, with a completely deranged tone and story, the villians were nonthreatening and made stupid puns and just, just no. The new ones were SUBTLE and took their source material from some of the best Batman graphic novels ever made, including Year One and The Long Halloween. They toned down the brightly-colored crazy into something beleivable and awesome. (Rant over)

    Jacob: hey maybe I should try to cash in, er, write a script! Yeah, a reboot of Iron Man but with Chris Tucker as Rhodey and Kristen Stewart as Pepper and Sean William Scott as Tony. And also they are all in high school. I'll be rich!

    Unwashed: For Reals

  5. Is it uncool to like Nolan's Batman now? Oh. Talk about backlash. I'm with you SugaryCynic, that man is our geek god.

  6. Well said, good sir.

    And don't forget all the cancer inception cures.

  7. I meant that as much as Batman and Robin and Clooney sucked egg, it is still 1000 times better than the last 2. Michael Keaton IS Batman. Even Morgan Freeman, Heath Ledger and Liam Neeson couldn't save the movies. Terrible writing, instead of using 100 monkeys for 100 days on 100 typewriters, they took 1 tourette's riddled monkey, gave him a broken pencil and a half an hour. :D

  8. Manda: now we must offer him tribute in the form of lesser directors!

    Simon: Inception also resuscitated my grandmother and saved my neighbor's dog from a house fire

    Rich: Yeah, I'm not with you on this one


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