There ya go, Rich. Let it sear into your corneas forever. Moving on! I gave you an exhausted, semi-coherent overview of Metrocon yesterday, today I have my specifics from the notes on my phone, and call me redundant for saying it again but SERIOUSLY I WROTE NOTES FOR YOU PEOPLE AT THE NERDIEST PLACE IN FLORIDA. I DEMAND TRIBUTE OF NINE MORE FACEBOOK FANS. PLEASE. WITH SUGAR ON TOP. AND ALSO FUNNEL CAKE.
To begin at the beginning, I journeyed to the distant and magical land of Tampa with my friend Amanda, who was the organizer behind it all, and Teppy, who I had just met, and Gina, who is the kind of person who when they smile you know something terrible is going to happen. In case you ever wondered what's between South Florida and North Florida allow me to enlighten you:
Rolling green fields of emptiness, creepy abandoned shacks, places called Ernie's Gator Barn and The Twilight Zone Lounge and Package Store (that one was weird, it was also still advertising an event from over a month ago), and towns called Mulberry and Turkey Creek. I wish I was making this up. There was a town called Bartow that took like, five hours to drive through, but there wasn't anything there! It was just more empty fields and abandoned shacks. Then every now and then we'd see some faded sign reading "Bartow rapeseed refinery" or some such be like "WTF! How are we still in Bartow?!" Gina had a theory that we never actually escaped Bartow, that it was all an illusion and Bartow is the equivalent of Stephen King's 1408 in that even when you think you've left, you're still in Bartow. I could be in Bartow right now.
The last town thing before getting into Tampa was called Brandon, which was funny. Apparently the town was proud of itself though because everything from the auto repair to the outlet malls to the strip clubs had the name "Brandon" plastered in front of it. Also there we were supposed to turn left onto the very originally named "West Brandon Boulevard" well we waited and looked, and looked and waited, getting nervous as we drove on until slowly and with creeping horror we realized that we were somehow already ON West Brandon without making any turns at all. I blame gypsy voodoo magic.
Then, against all odds, we actually made it to downtown Tampa and the convention. Then shit got weird. So Amanda is pretty much a professional fangirl, she loves anything and everything and even stuff that nostalgia longer does anything for, like Power Rangers. I'd be psyched to meet the voice of Wolverine from my childhood, but Power Rangers? Meh, don't care. Amanda does. I brought my hastily thrown together costume for one day of the con, Amanda brought a different costume for all three days. She's pro. So she dressed up as Danny Phantom the first day, from this cartoon on Nickelodeon:
Amanda had hoped at least SOME people would recognize her. On the contrary, she was fricking mobbed. People went batshit crazy for Danny Phantom. And that was also how I learned that when awkward, smelly people in vinyl costumes see someone dressed as their favorite character they do not wait for the ok to go in for a hug. They don't even ask. They just barrel at you screaming from across the room and tackle the breath out of you in a sweaty, costumed body funk assault. I am so glad I didn't go as a character from anything. The insanity reached it's height when a massive, icky-looking woman (cuz she was not a girl) in a full-body Yoshi suit grabbed Amanda, who is quite tiny, and swung her wildly as we ducked to avoid her flailing legs.
This is she. It is a bad shot because it was taken while hiding in terror. Also you have to imagine the ripe smell for yourself and thank God you can only imagine it
Next on the list after purchasing shiny things were the panel peoples. There was Richard Ian Cox, who does Inuyasha's voice, and I don't watch Inuyasha so that meant nothing to me but he was also on Stargate Atlantis, which I am a geek for, so that was cool. Also he was incredibly funny. My favorite thing he said (about Gundam Wing, another show he did voicework in):
"I love the idea of Gundams. I love this thought that the government would sink billions, literally billions of dollars into making this giant robots that can fight in space and how do they fight? With guns, rockets, lasers, bullets? NO! WITH SWORDS! They fight in space in giant billion-dollar robots with swords"
And also we met Kirby Morrow, the surprisingly small guy behind the voice of Goku on Dragonball Z (my gateway anime as an impressionable child) and also was on Stargate Atlantis. He was also nice and kinda adorable but not as funny. Then Amanda dragged us to Robert Axelrod, aka Lord Zed from Power Rangers...yeah.
Like a sad old man with a very tenuous grip on reality. Who used to dub foreign porn. Thanks, Amanda.
But then Amanda fixed it when she showed me Scott McNeil aka Wolverine from X-men, Piccolo and Majin Buu from Dragonball Z, Dinobot from Beast Wars, freakin' ReBoot, basically THE ENTIRETY OF CARTOONS I WATCHED AS A CHILD. Also Grumpy Bear. Go figure. He was awesome. Not only was he funny and nice and just all around cool, he also gave me a high-five so I could claim I high-fived Wolverine. Also he looks like Brett Michaels:
He said a lot of pretty hilarious crap:
(when asked what his favorite pokemon was): "....Are Doritos a Pokemon?"
(favorite mythological creature): "I am a mythological creature! I'm Canadian!"
(Most embarrassing recording session moment): "We were doing reaction noises for X-men and Wolverine was like, lifting a car and I was all 'hrrrggh!' and 'eeuurrgh!' and then *ppphhhtt* ...it was the fart of a little girl. Wearing pink."
He was a cool dude.
Also there was a human chess match that involved a crap ton of anime characters all fighting each other. It involved samurai Mitsurugi from the videogame Soul Caliber singing "I Will Survive" while murdering his back-up singers, Indiana Jones getting chased by a Katamari ball and someone finally shooting that little irritance Naruto. If that sentence made absolutely no sense then congratulations! You have a life! Be proud!
And that is my journey through Metrocon, more or less. I also watched a kicking Thai movie called Chocolate about this autistic girl named Zen who beats people up. It was awesome, especially when she made Bruce Lee noises. I think I see a panda. I should probably sleep. This is Sugary Cynicism saying "It's not Comic-con, but it makes up for con-awesome in con-B.O." 'Night!
"Well, in Eastern animation characters are a bit more complex usually, like more nuanced and-HEY! Richard, you broke my pocky!!" -Scott McNeil