No, instead I went to see Sorcerer's Apprentice with Jon, who is having a rough week and needed some movie cheese in his life. But actually, it wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't awesome, but it was a hell of a lot better than this summer's other Bruckheimer effort, Prince of Persia. (Although on a weird note, both movies have Alfred Molina and Toby Kebbell in them...go figure).
What makes Sorcerer's Apprentice a stronger film than Prince of Persia is very much in the characters. I didn't give a shit about anyone in Prince of Persia, they weren't interesting, they weren't relatable or fun and the only one who was actually entertaining was onscreen for maybe ten minutes. Maybe. In Apprentice, more attention is payed to character, Alfred Molina plays the villain with his usual zest, Nicholas Cage, armed with his crackhead wig, is actually pretty good as Balthazar the hobo wizard. Not Big Daddy in Kick-Ass good, but still better than he's been lately. Also Toby Kebbell, who had nothing to do in Persia except be Jake Gyellenhaal's brother and sneer a lot, is incredibly funny as a sort of Criss Angel/David Blaine rip-off.
But our hero Dave, played by the suddenly popular Jay Baruchel, makes the movie, and you will either love or hate him. He is a dorky nerd, but not stereotypically so, where you wonder how on earth he could ever land a girl. He is also just so painfully awkward you can't help but love him. Or hate him. Jon hated him, mostly because he can't stand his voice. Also kid-Dave is played by the munchkin from Night At The Museum and he is just too flippin cute. This little guy needs to be in more things
D'awww, he's like a puppy! (is it weird that I find puppies and small children to be cute on the same level?)
Anyway, the plot is run-of-the-mill dorky dude must save the world, get the girl, help his master, gain self-confidence, build a giant musical Tesla coil etc. etc. It's saved from generic-tude by lots of quippy one-liners and some really insane visuals. All the dragons, metal eagles, bulls and transformations just look COOL. And I am easy to amuse so that works for me. I will say one thing, the movie commits the cardinal sin of "oh noes he is dead and stuff...no wait, it's all good" which is a trope I hate SO MUCH that I might just do a full post on it one day. Anyway, all in all it's a fun movie with neat effects, decent acting and lots of funny bits. If you've already seen Inception, or if you're like me and are waiting for your family to pick a day so you can use your free tickets, this isn't too bad to kill some time (better than Eclipse, Last Airbender, Grown Ups, Knight and Day and Sex and the City 2 anyway). Three catapults out of five for a solid and enjoyable effort.
Now I have to go not pretend to shoot plasma balls at my cat in revenge for making my legs fall asleep. 'Night!
Balthazar: "Come along, Dave"
Little Dave: "H-how do you know my name?"
Balthazar: "Because, I CAN READ MINDS!! ...It's written on your backpack"