Sunday, July 18, 2010

Dammit, Sean!

So, Inception's been out for three days and already it seems I will be the last person to watch it when I see it tomorrow. Be that as it may, tomorrow would typically be Sean Connery Movie Sunday but seeing as I will most likely be covering tomorrow's post in a fangasm of joy over the work of Our New God Nolan, today will be our requisite Sean Connery day.

As you may or may not know (or care), I recently have been considering a new actor-idol ever since Sir Connery decided to come out of retirement to do the worst movie ever in the history of ever. And also now he's been investigated for tax evasion and money laundering.

I'm sorry, what now?

Ok, this isn't exactly scandalous when compared with Mel Gibson offending everyone who ever lived (as well as several dead people) but still, it's a strike against him and he's on thin ice thanks to Bessie-Boo and her gang of terrifyingly animated Scots-peoples.

Nah, it's cool, I was planning on never sleeping again anyway

So yeah, in the running for Sugary Cynic's Next Top Idol were Jeremy Irons, Helen Mirren and Chow Yun Fat. Several of you (mostly on Facebook) said Jeremy Irons, Unwashed said Helen Mirren, and my brother yelled Chow Yun Fat at me from his room. I remain quite undecided, and so since Sean Connery is still annoying me with his awful movie and failure to pay his taxes, we begin the elimination round for Sugary Cynic's Next Top Idol! This week: The Period Costume Round! Whichever actor best achieves looking cool and badass while dressed like a history-reenacting dork, wins!

First Jeremy Irons:

Rocking it as the Earl of Leicester, armor is always cool

And here in Merchant of Venice he proves you have to be rather bad-ass to wear that much fur trim and that silly a hat and still look like someone you'd rather not fuck with

O.o ...oh. Oh my. Can we get the picture of the nightmarish animated people back up?

Chow Yun Fat:

Lookin' all regal with his bad self for Anna and The King

Keeping things simple, yet awesome in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

And that, kids, is why you should eat lots of fruit. Because scurvy is a bitch and a half

And Helen Mirren:

You did not just back-sass Queen Elizabeth!

Here, she sensibly avoids Leia braids while restraining Tiny Batman

All right, let's face it: there's no such thing as a bad picture of Helen Mirren in period clothing. (There may not even be such a thing as a bad picture of Helen Mirren).

And there you have it, Helen "That's Queen to you, bizzatch" Mirren takes this round! See you tomorrow for Inception-related ravings! This is Sugary Cynic saying "Helen Mirren's tits are on the Internet, and they are deeply unsettling" 'Night!


  1. It's all about the Mirren. As much as I like the other two, she is in a class of her own.

  2. First up: I'll be the last person to see it, as I sit back and wait a week or two for people to stop beating each other up to label it. Allowing myself time to sit back and judge the film on my own grounding.

    Now, for the rest of this post: Jeremy Irons is always cool, and Helen Mirren is the queen fox, but I'd go Chow-Yun Fat... well at least I say that, but every time I remember Bulletproof Monk I die a little inside.

  3. I can't decide. So much badass, so few asses to kick.

    Wear a helmut when you go to see Inception, so when your head explodes, it won't get all over the people behind you. It's called manners.

  4. Unwashed: You and your Helen Mirren :p

    Univarn: As do we all, my good sir. As do we all.

    Simon: unfortunately I went without any protective headgear. It got a bit messy...

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