Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Your Eddie Murphy Will Be Delivered in Around 48 Hours

I am just too dang witty. Why yes, this post is about the fact that I finally sat down and watched the movie that launched Eddie Murphy to stardom that everyone forgets about because of Beverly Hills Cop. (if you really are that dumb, here's a hint: the movie is 48 Hours). But first!

Jacob guessed the quote correctly, identifying it as Shoveler's (William H. Macy) line in the extremely underrated Mystery Men. Also, last week, when I barely knew what I was doing with this, Rachel correctly attributed the last quote to Spaceballs. So yeah, you two win getting to make me draw a shitty picture in Paint of whatever your dark and twisted hearts desire.

Next! Hollywood has once again tapped into my brain with their mind beams and extracted some pertinent movie-related info. What, you might ask, would lead me to make such a wacky supposition. Oh I dunno, how about RED? It stands for "Retired, Extremely Dangerous" and it's about old (and I do mean old) CIA operatives who are having issues adjusting to the monotony of not clandestinely murdering people. These armed AARP-ers are none other than Helen Mirren, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, and John Malcovich. Also there's Mary Louise Parker, Karl Urban and Cole from Charmed. IT IS THE CAST OF MY DREAMS! Also this:

I feel based on the above trailer a "fuck yeah" is in order? All in favor? All righty, motion carries! FUCK YEAH!!! That's gonna be awesome! I will go wait in line right NOW.

Moving on to less Helen Mirren-related subject matter, as I stated, I finally watched 48 Hours and it was pretty awesome but mostly it just made me kinda sad. There was once a time when the name Eddie Murphy was associated with unbridled hilarity and occasional acts of badassery instead of farting people in fat-suits and dads in non-threatening family comedies who realize that family is more important than climbing the corporate ladder. Those were the days (that I didn't exist for most of)! Anyway, 48 Hours was Eddie's big break and it barely even happened. He was fourth or fifth on the list of people who included Richard Pryor and a young Denzel Washington to get the role of Reggie Hammond, the sarcastic and clever-as-fuck criminal that washed-up boozehound cop Nick Nolte recruits to stop a killer who is running around shooting people in pursuit of a shit-ton of money that is actually Reggie's. Got all that?

And they did it all while being haunted by a giant pink digital clock in the sky.

So yeah, Nick Nolte's character, Jack Cates is your typical movie cop in the 80's: new cigarette every other minute, drives a shit car, fights with his girlfriend, puts booze in his morning coffee and is a dangerous lone wolf. He's also annoying as hell. Admittedly, he grows on you a bit by movie's end, but he's our hero and for a good half the movie you just pray for someone to punch him in the dick. Eddie Murphy on the other hand, is likable from the outset, his entrance into the movie being an enthusiastic but American Idol-level bad rendition of The Police's "Roxanne" as Nolte walks to his cell. See, he's got to stop this killer dude and Murphy's character knows him, so he takes him out of jail for 48 hours (ooh, now I get it!) to catch the baddies and also trade racist barbs with.

Eventually, they develop that whole "begrudging respect" for one another and start to work together and Nolte finally becomes a bit less grating. It's a standard cop movie, but Muprhy and Nolte have great chemistry together, even when they hate each other, matching wits and being clever and such. Also, it's worth watching just for this one scene where Murphy impersonates a cop to gain info on the baddie in this redneck country bar, and he just fucking owns the place. It's the best scene in the movie, hands down. Three stars out of five, it's an establisher of what are now tired cliches but it made them first, and also Eddie Murphy rocks! O how far thou hast fallen!

Seriously, who told you it was ok to do this, Eddie? It is not ok!

And wit that pleasant image, I say good night.

(As Reggie prepares to sleep in Jack's car as they wait for the baddies to show up)

Reggie: "Jack, tell me a story,"

Jack: "Fuck you!"

Reggie: "Ooh! That's one of my favorites!"


  1. "The Golden Child" was always one of my favorite Eddie movies. It had that "Big Trouble in Little China" feel to it. "Trading Places" was also a classic. Ooh! We got to see Jamie Lee Curtis boobs in that one.

    OK! So, for my MS Paint prize, I want a picture of you and me dressed as Mr Furious and the Baby Bowler! That is all kinds of win and awesome right there. :D

  2. Oh, dear Murphy. You've obviously been inflicted with some kind of mental disorder. Electro-shock therapy is my recommendation, and hopefully one day, we can all move on from this nasty business.

    Holy shit balls from the firy hellhounds, that trailer kicks so much fucking ass!

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