Saturday, June 12, 2010

Sure To Be An Instant Classic...

SUGARY CYNICISM THEATER PRESENTS A VERY BRIEF SCENE WITH A VERY BIG ASSHOLE:

(Scene: The Museum, late afternoon, hotter than James Franco without a shirt-

Stop recycling jokes!

Shut up.

Anyway, it's really hot. The Cynic sits at her little membership kiosk, desperately hawking memberships and free Toy Story 3 shirts and puzzles. Passerbys cannot help but notice her breathtaking beauty, her alluring form, her-

Massive ego.


Didn't I tell you to beat it? I'm working here! Anyway, suddenly she is approached by a man, his wife and young son. They are interested in membership, but things are about to go terribly awry!!



You are tacky and I hate you

Yeah well you're ugly. Life is hard like that. And scene!)

Me: We'll you're ready to go. Would you like a T-shirt, or a puzzle? The shirts are kinda big so I'd say-

Asshole McDouchebag from the clan Ass-butt: Get my son a T-shirt!

Me: Well that's the thing, all we have right now are adult sizes. We'll be getting more sizes when Toy Story opens next week

Asshole: (Does not compute)



You should say you only have adult sizes!!

Me: ...I did. Just now.

Asshole: Well I wanna get my son a T-shirt!

Me: You can, it's just kinda big. How about the puzzle?

Kid: I like the puzzle, Daddy.

Asshole: NO. I want to give my son a T-shirt!

Wife: You can just wear it.

Asshole: No! I'm in the T-shirt business! I need no T-shirts, I wanna give HIM one. Why should I sign up for a membership if you can't even get me a small shirt?

Me: This is what they give me, sir. If there was anything I could do, I would.

Like for instance take this adult-sized T-shirt and ram it so deep in your ass you choke on it.

Pretty much.

Asshole: Next time you should tell potential customers that you don't have the right T-shirts.

Me: (suppressing "go-for-the-throat" instincts)

Asshole: Ok, take the puzzle. Let's sign up (shoots me a dirty look before going to the box office)

Me: (very, very quietly) Motherfuckingdouchebagassbrigadebastardfacedbuttmunchingcockjugglingdipshitfarmer

FIN. THIS HAS BEEN SUGARY CYNICISM THEATER, GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A SUITABLY FANCY TOMORROW.

3 comments:

  1. Nice. That is when you punk slap him in front of his wife and kid, and as he lays bloody and beaten you stand over him, and shout to the sky "If your not down with that, I got two words for ya!" Then ghetto stomp him again, just so he gets the message. People like that are the reason I hung up my training manager badge. If only we could stomp them, it would make the world a much better place!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hate people. Why didn't you tell him to go fuck hisself? Worth the firing, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rich: O.o I am frightened and yet intrigued by your curb stomping tactics

    Simon: Couldn't. Wish I could've but it's not a simple issue of getting fired. The museum's my internship for school credit, so I kind of need to stick around lol

    ReplyDelete

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