Sunday, June 20, 2010

*The Sound of Me Exhaling Through My Teeth*

A Day In The Life of Sugary Cynic (Well, today anyway, shit like this does not go down in a regular fashion thank goodness)

8am: kill alarm clock

8:15am: acknowledge new day

8:30am: drink coffee

9am: Leave the house late for work

9:11am: Stop for gas, bypassing the BP even though it is closest because we want to be all socially responsible and not support them, end up paying out the ass at some nasty non-chain gas station where it doesn't work and I have to go in and get an employee who decides if I can't properly work a pump I must be brain damaged and proceeds to treat me as such

9:35am: 5 minutes late, new early record! Also free light-up yoyo! Yay!

9:45am: Try to drink coffee, there are no cups :(

9:46am-11am: Follow boss-dude around the museum as he is in hyper panic mode, preparing for the Toy Story rush. Also fetch chairs for extremely surly visiting water conservation people. They sit but continue to be surly.

11am-12pm: Make phone calls to people who hate me. One Asian woman who made a membership inquiry online refuses to acknowledge this, wants to know why I am calling and what I want from her. WHAT YOU WANT? I NO WANT! HANG UP NOW!

12pm-1:30pm: Whore for membership from people who are either too much in a hurry trying to make the movie, pissed because the movie is sold out, or angrily demanding a free t-shirt because they signed up five years ago and NO ONE WAS HANDING OUT FREE T-SHIRTS THEN! IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS?! ONLY OCCASIONALLY GIVING THEM FREE SHIT WHEN IT SUITS YOU?!

1:40pm-2pm: Wait in line or lunch at Subway, overhear the story of a teacher at a Catholic school who would stay home claiming he had stigmata.

2:15pm-4:30pm: SOLD OUT?!?! BUT SURELY YOU MUST HAVE SOME EXTRA TICKETS? I MEAN WE CAME SUCH A LONG WAY FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTS ON THE DAY AFTER OPENING DAY. THIS IS CRAZY! ...CAN I AT LEAST HAVE A FREE SHIRT?

4:40pm: boss-dude sees the homicidal glare in my eye, lets me take off early.

4:45pm-5:15pm: traffictraffictraffictraffictraffic

5:20pm: enter home, Dad informs me if I do not clean my room, he will put all my stuff in storage and turn it into a guest room.

5:25pm-7:45pm: cleaning my room while watching The Wind and The Lion a movie where Sean Connery plays a rebel Arab. Yup.

7:45pm-WTF: Working on Father's Day gift (waited a bit too long) computer contracts horrific virus getting a song. Proceeds to die a harsh and prolonged death

8:30pm: Dinner! Get into what is in retrospect a pointless and ridiculous argument with my father concerning the ins and outs of evolution. Discussion ends for the evening.

9pm: My brother goes Dr. Frankenstein on my computer, I fret over Dad's gift. We need the installation CD. It has fled to Spain.

9:05pm-12:41am: FRUSTRATION. Eventually, my computer is completely reformatted, now lacking every program ever. My brother at least fixes the I-tunes and internet so I can burn my CD and post the blog.

12:45am-1:28am: Burn disc while writing blog (meta!)

1:29am: Disc finished. Disc also still blank for some reason. Attempt to not literally burn CD.

1:35am: IT DOES THE EXACT SAME THING

1:36am: Thunderstorm starting, power flickers. Fuck. No.

1:40am: Burned CD a 3rd time, think I might be accidentally wiping them so I just pop it out.

1:41am: I can see into the future! I see me passing out in bed, screaming quietly into my pillow. I want coffee.

THE END. I HATE MOST THINGS. EXCEPT ARAB SEAN CONNERY THAT SHIT IS WONDERFUL

8 comments:

  1. You need a laugh.

    Here is a laugh.

    http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/7169/comicmidget2oj3.png

    Now laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can only think of one other person that might have had an equally trying day...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTdD_dVyteA

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anon and Jacob: you guys fucking rock. Today is already starting out on a shitty note and I needed that. thanks :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. How did I lose track of you? You were on my blogroll once. Well you, missy, are back on! Thanks to Ron for repointing me to your site. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. If its any comfort, there are some states (ahem) where you're never allowed to pump your own gas. Then, you go to a new state and don't know how to work the goddamn pump and you fiddle around with it for, like, ten minutes like an idiot...if it helps.

    Burning discs are assholes. Just get him a quirky tie.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Heather: yay! :D

    Simon: why aren't you allowed? do the police think you're going to just thieve all the gas for yourself, then chuckle maniacally and twiddle your evil handlebar mustache?

    ReplyDelete
  7. MUAHAHAHAHAHA thats payback baby yeaaaaah!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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