Ok so today was spent working with the munchkins and by working I mean playing with race car toys. Then they had me work the desk that I affectionately refer to as the "dead desk" where absolutely nothing ever happens. Also there is no internet. OH NO. So to pass the time I made a crappy pseudo-stop motion video chronicling my descent into boredom-induced madness:
Yeah. Workin hard.
Anyway, me and the boy watched what I will readily admit is a fucking awesome movie that I love and had never seen before. It was everything I ever want in a movie. If it was a person, I would want it to be my best friend. This movie, I announce with no shame, is Demolition Man.
Ok, the year is 1996 (keep in mind this movie was made in '93) and it is a terrifying apocalyptic future with gangs and explosions and blonde Wesley Snipes. And Sylvester Stallone is this super-cop who kicks Wesley Snipes's ass but accidentally kills hostages and so they are cryogenically frozen because that is how they dealt with criminals in 1996. So long story short, the future is filled silly puss cops and all music is commercial jingles and also everyone ever is in this movie. A list:
The FBI guy she liked in Miss Congeniality
Jesse The Body Ventura
Jack Black for like, half a second
That old black dude from Night At the Museum
The fat guy from Beetlejuice
The evil zoo guy from Ace Ventura 2
So in this weird super-happy, ultra-P.C. version of the future, Wesley Snipes becomes unfrozen and wreaks havoc so they unfreeze Stallone to stop him. This movie is half bad-ass action film and half wacky fish out of water comedy. Stallone likes to knit and can't adjust to the future. Sandra Bullock is peppy and adorable and Wesley Snipes has beat out everyone ever as my favorite 90's villain. He's just having so much fun running around being a dick. This movie combines, action, comedy, and cheese in a lethal combination of wonderful. We all know I love shitty movies for their shittiness but I legit love this film. I can't believe it took me this long to discover it.
YES. THAT IS ALL.
EXCEPT GO WATCH IT, DAMMIT.
Sylvester Stallone: "Bad aim, Blondie!"
Wesley Snipes: "Spartan? John Spartan? Aw shit, they let anybody into this century! What the hell you doing here? "