Friday, June 11, 2010

Adventures in Mary Poppins, Grocery Shopping and Crippling Self-Esteem Issues

No it's not an another damn angst post, I promise. I get as sick of that shit as you guys do. Unless you enjoy self-doubt and uncertainty settling over my life like a fleecy blanket of despair. In which case you are not invited to my frivolous cheesecake party. And that sucks for you because there will be such frivolous amounts of cheesecake, you do not even know:

Yeah, you wish you had this much cheesecake in your life. But I guess it's too late for you now...

So anyway, I know my posts have been kind of half-hearted and sucky for the past week, I've just been really busy and tired and whatnot. Part of me wonders if I ought to abandon the whole "updates every day" thing on the logic that no update is better than a crappy update. Your thoughts?

Anyway, this week has involved a myriad of random situations such as when for work at the museum we had to scale a fucking mountain with a ball python in tow to get to this performance arts center that was running a special engagement Mary Poppins show and doing an event for it that we were advertising at. Hence the python. Also I was almost hit by a mini-cooper. Because South Florida drivers are assholes and mini-cooper drivers are all either insane or Mark Wahlberg.

Did anyone catch the license on that handsome bastard?

It was ok, there was a lot of adorable munchkins running around that were terrified of the python and one frightening grandma who proclaimed to her grandkids in a gravelly voice that implied she'd been a smoker since Lincoln was president:

"See the snake, kids? That's what Gramma's wallet's made out of!"


Yeah. So there was that, and also it was hot as Satan's balls. Like hotter than a giant furnace, or the inside of the world's largest grill, or Christian Bale making out with Robert Downey Jr. while dressed as Batman and Iron Man respectively....what?

Clothed for the stability of your sanity

And that was that. Except my pseudo-boss dude thought my-near-death-experience with the mini was hilarious, mostly my devil-may-care, off-the-cuff remark that since it was a mini-cooper, it probably wouldn't have killed me. Today, me and the brother went grocery shopping because the parents have been on a cruise this whole week and we needed to replenish our supplies like milk, fruit, caffeine, heroin, gold toothpicks, singing live-in nannies, etc. Ya know, basic life necessities. While we are in fact capable of feeding ourselves, there were some moments where the average bystander might have reason to believe we were brain-damaged:

(Jared and I are in the produce aisle, looking for this specific lettuce our mom likes)

Publix dude: Is there anything I can help you with?

Me: We're just looking for this one type of bagged lettuce

Jared: ...I don't see it

Publix: Well what brand is it?

Me: Um...

Jared: The bag is black...and...

Me: Gold

Jared: Yeah, black and gold...

Me: Like, gold border I think

Publix dude: (regrets initiating the conversation)

And after that bit of sibling-uselessness, my brother spent roughly fifteen minutes sniffing deodorant, looking for the most manly scent. Eventually he decided on Old Spice because it is Bruce Campbell approved:

And also because of this guy:

Hell, he makes me wanna wear Old Spice.

Finally, I have noticed that my compatriot blogs seem to be enjoying rather massive fan numbers (at least compared to mine). While some of them have been around much longer than me, so their numbers make sense, some are as young as mine and have way more fans/followers/favorites/whatever. So I ask you people, what I am not doing? I really would like to get more readers and expand and stuff, so please give some feedback so I can fix whatever's keeping me from achieving bigger numbers. Then I promise I'll stop bitching. Probably. That's all for now, sleep calls. This is Sugary Cynic saying "I'm on a horse!" 'Night!

Me: "If I hear the spoonful of sugar song one more time I am going to stab Mary Poppins with her umbrella"


  1. Megan, I just want you to know that I really REALLY love reading your blog. You are one of my absolute favorites simply because you talk about the stuff I like, and because you are just being you. You is cool, and I'm a bit drunk so I leave this comment for now.

  2. I love your blog, amigo. What I do is comment the fuck out of so many blogs I had to trim my blogroll down to 98. Time consuming? Hell yes. But it's not like I have friends or anything.

  3. Hi Megan. your blog is great and a regular stop for me. I promote other blogs on my site about once a month to encourage growth and support. I'll plug you again next time. You might consider posting a thread on Networked Blogs. Keep up the great writing...I love your blog. - Ron -

  4. thanks for the love guys. Sorry if I came off like I wanted a pity party, I'm just having trouble expanding my readership. I guess I need to put myself out there more of whatever (heh, innuendo)

  5. The Divine Miss Megan,

    Totally in the same boat with you. I suffer for my art and get two hits. My beloved but somewhat creativity-limited fellow bloggers post about Cheez-Whiz and their server crashes. This keeps me up at night, and then I have dreams where sad things happen to bitter people. Please advise if you solve this enigma...


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