Saturday, May 8, 2010

Reasons Why Today Was Kinda Weird

For starters, I had this fucking weird dream that my family went to New Mexico for a wedding (I have family in new Mexico so that kinda makes sense). I have no recollection of who was getting married but in the dream I had a grand-father (which I do not in real life) that I was extremely close with. In the dream he had died a little while ago and my father had never told me, which prompted a huge fight between us when I found out that he had kept my grandfather's death from me. Meanwhile one of my aunts had hooked up with this old-time rocker dude with tattoos and greasy hair and they kept ruining the ceremony with intensely gross make-outs. That's right folks, I dreamt a FUCKING INDIE DRAMA FILM. What the hell?

And of course, the weirdest bit that I didn't tell anyone else about? In the dream my grandad was Henry Jones Sr. Not Sean Connery but Daddy Jones specifically. I haven't seen that movie in ages, what the fuck?!

Dude, I wish.

So that was part one. Part two was that my cat revealed himself to be a velociraptor in dsiguise. Where am I pulling this bizarre supposition from? Well he figured out, in the space of about thirty minutes, how to open all the doors in my room. This is Yuki, the one I couldn't take a picture of, the one you did see, Neko, is a sweetie boy, but as dumb as a rock. Yuki, however, is scary smart. I had to keep him in my room because my dad was spraying insecticide and didn't want the cats getting into it. Neko went to sleep but Yuki went stir-crazy and kept yowling and pawing at doors. I have two doors in my room, a regular one and a sliding door. He first figured out how to open the sliding door by pushing his paws against it in the opposite direction. I grabbed him back in and tried to block the door, so he tried the other one. He figured that one out by slipping his paws under the gap between the door and the floor and pulling, because the door was loose and he could pull it open. Little fucking raptor.

Moving on, today my mother helped me pick out internship clothes. Why was this necessary? Explanation time: The only footwear I own is flip-flops and dirty sneakers. My mode of dress could best be described as "fifteen-year-old hobo chic" and I think "workplace attire" means jeans without holes in them. To be fair, I've only ever worked in childcare, where clothing means nothing and OWL TV at school, where I frequently came to work without shoes on. But now this is for real, and I have to dress like a grown-up, which is slightly horrifying. So my mother had to help me as I am intensely fashion-deficient. My family keeps threatening to enter me in that show What Not to Wear. Here are the results, revel in the terror that is...Business Cynic!

The reason I look so pissed off is because my brother kept fucking with me instead of just taking the damn picture >.<, what else? I've been feeling kinda depressed, possibly because a good chunk of my friends graduated or left and I won't be seeing them for a long time or ever again, which is a pretty huge bummer. Also that which is Sugary Cynic's Insecurity-O-Matic has recently been driven into overtime as I question everything I've ever done or believed in and feel like I am a waste of life. It happens every now and again and usually I can quash it down with false confidence or delicious irony but sometimes I just can't and I wonder why I do anything, like write this thing. why do you even read this? I'm not that funny, I'm not that good writer, I just spew my bullshit or whatever. I dunno, I should be ok just doing this because I enjoy doing it but this tiny, screaming part of me demands validation from others. It's fucking annoying.

Ok, that was way more personal than I intended it to be but what the hell, I'm leaving it in (tomorrow morning I might regret it) I've been singing Mad World and Solitary Man with my dad which is nice because normally when I come home we clash something awful but we seem to be getting along ok for now, which is a nice new precedent. (The wine helps). This post has degenerated into babble so I'm going to cut my losses and just stop and post. See you tomorrow for what I'm sure will be apologetic embarrassment. :D This is Sugary Cynic saying "It's all that you can't leave behind" 'Night!

"I know it aches and your heart it breaks, you can only take so much" -U2, "Walk On"


  1. consider yourself validated...for being human and struggling with life like the rest of us...OH to be 5 again... *sigh*

  2. cheer up, everyone goes through that initial sadness when one part of life ends and another starts.

    wow - crazy dream. i love hearing other people's dreams, guess it makes me feel a little more normal when i know other people are dreaming just as insane stuff as i am.

    what not to wear actually has some pretty good tips for work attire. if there's an H&M anywhere near you they usually have affordable work clothes.


  3. thanks guys :D,I know you just gotta take a deep breath and move on. Also now I'm curious what Alexandra dreams about lol

  4. See, now, I'm sure you'll see all of them again at a college reunion (they have those, right) or something...provided they don't all die or get married or whatever.

    And, fear not, your a very funny writer. Kay?

  5. Just a note...if you follow your heart and not will never feel like you wasted your life. The down-side is, you lose the cynical views of life...sarcasm flies out the window...and you actually find happiness. It is easy to be in the majority doing what everyone thinks is popular. The ego strokes all of a sudden don't mean anything and aren't even required.

    You are a good writer...but maybe what 'eats' away at you is you are just not sure going the business route is what you really want. You will have to sift that out....enjoy your will get to see human drama on a whole new level. Be yourself and don't fit into their mold. There is more than enough plastic in the is revolutionary just to be yourself.

  6. Simon, I love that you have marriage and death in the same category.

    Marylin, heavy stuff. Stuff I need to hear, I suppose. Sarcasm is kind of my coping mechanism I guess, and it's pretty good at its job. I am scared of what I'm going to do with my life and this manifests itself in the stunning display of insecurity I ended up writing. Thank you for your comment,

  7. I'm so sorry for not paying closer attention here the last few posts. I totally skimmed with every intention of coming back to these, and I missed that you were feeling depressed. It was my fault, wasn't it? I bummed everyone out (including myself) with my damn blog-series and now it's spreading. My bad.

    You should know that I really enjoy your blog and I think you're a very special person (I mean that in a good way, not the 'you should ride the short bus' way). I love movies, and really love MST3k, and all cynics in general.

    And don't ever lose that witty, biting sarcasm and wit you have. That is a product of whatever made you who you are today. If someone can't appreciate it and accept you for the way you are, then fuck 'em. (Not literally, unless you think it will make you happy.) This is who you are, and if you're happy the way you are, then this is what you have to offer for your friendship. Take it or leave it. You can super-size it and order a refill, but you can't substitute for any other items. There is no menu.

    Me, I'll take you just the way you are. Sweet and Cynical.

  8. Jacob, you are a kick of happiness into the pants of self-pitying depressionyness. thanks dude :)


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