Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Live On The Edge (A Post That Is Mostly About The Goonies)

Yep, while my parents party it up, I watched The Goonies and drew comics. Cuz I live it up hardcore like that.

I wish I was Data because he is adorable and has all those cool gadgets and whatnot

But everyone who knows me knows that really I'm Mouth, and that most people want to punch me :D

Though I suppose it could be worse...

Anyone who isn't aware of The Goonies has my pity because it must have been a hard life, being locked up in a box like that...what? You weren't kept locked away in some sort of cage, hidden from society?


The Goonies is the quintessential kids film. And I say that with only a loose idea behind the meaning of the word quintessential. It was the movie that showed kids, yeah there ARE in fact other dorks in the world, and they get picked on by jocks and patronized by adults the same as everyone else, but they stick together, dammit, and sometimes, if they're really lucky and just a bit stupid, they can find treasure. Also it's totally cool to pick on the fat kid.

Note: Most chubby people are not as obliging when asked to do the Truffle Shuffle. Some even grow violent.

Anyway, The Goonies has everything: Action, violence, comedy, a touch of romance, friendship, pirates, gangsters, mutants and Joe Pantoliano. What more do you need? It was also the launching pad for Josh Brolin, Sean Astin and Corey Feldman (not that he was launched very far). Jonathan Ke Quan (That would be Data) had already done Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I don't understand it, when he's Data I wanna give him a hug but when he's Short Round I only want to wring his irritating little neck. Go figure.

I dunno, when reviewing movies like The Goonies, it's hard to separate childhood fondness from reality. I'm willing to forgive a lot of ridiculous crap in that movie because watching is like revisiting friends from my munchkinhood. So yeah, the whole story of the pirate treasure is pretty out there, and yeah the Fratelli's are insanely unrealistic villains, and Andy would totally have realized she was kissing Mikey and not Brand, and they really are dicks to Chunk if you think about it, and what in God's name is Sloth? And did they purposefully name the pirate One-eyed Willy? I mean, they had to have realized how it sounds.

Despite all this, The Goonies is the movie that made me skulk around looking for tunnels and might still make me do that >.> Either way, four and a half totally biased catapults out of five. Cuz Goonies stick together.

Also, for you viewing pleasure, all the Goonies today (or at least within the last few years):

Data, Mikey, Stef, Mouth, Andy, Director Richard Donner, Chunk and Brand

I love how Data looks almost exactly the same. Mouth too. I think Chunk wins the "looks totally different" award.

Also, for shits and/or giggles, here's what I was doodling in the interim:

Yeah, I party like the proverbial fucking rock star. This is Sugary Cynic saying "Goonies never say die!" 'Night!

(The kids are in the tunnels when Mikey calls for a bathroom break)

Mikey: "Okay, this is the little boys' room, and that cave over there is the little girls' room"

(Brand heads to a different cave)

Mikey: "Brand, where're you going?"

Brand: "This is the men's room"


  1. "The Goonies" is one of the best films ever made about a group of childhood friends. It should be played on a double-bill with "Stand By Me", on a loop, forever.

  2. i love the goonies so much it hurts

  3. You should also throw "The Sandlot", "The Lost Boys", and "A Christmas Story" somewhere in that loop. Oooh! I can't wait for a review on the Lost Boys! Frog Brothers rule!

    "Hey you guys!"

  4. damn, now I wanna watch the Sandlot, Lost Boys and Stand By Me. And also to make some kind of Goonies group. >.<

  5. Go Chunk yourself.

    (I am literally so proud of myself for that vague hint of wit I repeat it anytimer someone mentions The Goonies)

    People don't want to hit you because you're mouth, they want to hit you because you're Corey Feldman. Duh.

  6. Ghostbusters was a fave too...but Goonies was my all time fav...for real, it was the perfect blend of everything for a kid.Between that movie and stand by me playing constantly on my TV, I understand now why my grandma 'lost' those two movies.
    Great la 80's flicks

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