Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Ah, Employment

You ever feel really young and really old at the same time? (ok, admittedly that is a question on par with "do you ever feel like you're a peanut butter sandwich?" but bear with me) That's how I felt today. On one hand I am a grown-up human being with fancy internships who has almost completed her college education. On the other hand I am a stupid kid who has never worked in retail and is unsure who in my life qualifies as a reference. I'll be honest, I don't want a job. I am lazy and the thought of lying on my ass all summer reading books and watching movies is intensely appealing to me (as I imagine it would be to most people, except maybe the Amish but they're not really people anyway)

"Oh it's on now! I'm gonna get Josiah and Zacariah and kick your ass with a butter churn! ...As soon as we finish erecting this barn...and hitch up the buggies. Expect us in a couple months"

But yeah, obviously I can't lie around like some kind of decadent Roman Emperor, waited upon hand and foot by scantily clad slave men, making them fight for my amusement while one of them feeds me grapes and fans with me a palm leaf and looks suspiciously like Gerard Butler and...wait, what was I talking about?

Right, jobs. The fact is things like gas, bills and the glorious Netflix don't pay for themselves and so I need a job. And I have kind of been a little bitch about going out and getting one. My dad and I got into a ruckus over it (ruckus is another good word to say aloud in an English accent. That and fracas. Good stuff) but he made the point that I hadn't done shit and I felt angry because I was being treated like a dipshit child, and also...well I was acting like a dipshit child. There is no vacation, the bills aren't going to Rio for two months so I need to suck it up and hit the mall, where dignity goes to die.

If you manage to correctly identify the meat, your meal's free!

For about five years running I've spent my summers chasing after infants who pee themselves for sport for very little pay, was briefly the secretary/fax machine gladiator for this one guy over winter break a few years ago and then this past year I played endless videos of frolicking kittens on the school TV station. I am Sugary Cynic the Sporadically Employed. So I'm reasonably nervous about finding work. There's not really much else to talk about, slow day on the home front and all. I mean, there was that invading Mongol horde that came and took over the house and wanted me to be their slave. But I escaped them and took refuge with some gypsies who taught me their magical gypsy ways and helped me confront and battle the band of angry Mongol warriors and win back my home, so really it's hardly worth mentioning.

"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do" -Oscar Wilde, oh go and have some bon mots and gay sex you aesthetesist you (jk, we're still pals, right? Oscar?)


  1. I'll share my fortune cookie fortune with you today since it seem to apply to both of us:

    "Avoid unchallenging occupations -- they waste your talents."

  2. That's not true. I often feel like a peanut butter sandwich.

  3. Ah yes...the summer income generating distraction called work :) Look at the bright side...oh wait, there isn't one...oops

    Fall back on your cynicism and at least keep yourself entertained...but probably not out loud.

    You go girl (yah, that was lame).

  4. Jacob: that fortune works wonderfully with the "in bed" game

    Simon: I feel better knowing this

    Ron: A for effort...A for effort :p


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