Friday, April 2, 2010

Friday's Fabuous 51st post!

Yes, because everyone know that fifty-one is better than fifty! And also yesterday was April Fool's Day...and also that is a totally not-legitimate reason and the real dealie was that I was working on an annotated bibliography...and by working on my annotated bibliography I mean watching The Men Who Stare At Goats.

Which is a very funny and underrated movie...about psychics in the army killing goats with their MIND. So you can see how that ends up working out. So, anyway...

SUGARYCYNICISM 51ST POST EXTRAVAGANZA!!! PLEASE IGNORE THE MEDIOCRITY BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!



Let's start things off on a classy and generally sophisticated note:

As you can see, the sophisticatedness is derived by the tasteful placement of the throw pillows and...I'm bored. Let's watch a violent movie trailer instead!



...I think I just grew a pair of testicles.

I am tentatively excited for this movie. On one hand, it's like, 85% of all the manliest actors in Hollywood in one place shooting things. Also Arnold Swarct...Swartchen...Schwarz...The Governator! That is pretty awesome. On the other hand, they are all currently card-carrying members of AARP, with the exception of Jason Statham, Terry Crews and Jet Li (and Jet Li's like two years away, and in martial artist years he's already an octogenarian). So how much of this movie will be ass-kicking, bullet-tearing, bad-assness and how much will be old man-grunting, hip-pulling, Stallone awkward-mustaching disappointment? Only time will tell, but odds are when it comes on I'll be sitting in the front row with a large soda and a razor to shave off all the hair I'm probably going to sprout from sheer testosterone.

Next! I was watching Sherlock Holmes today, we got it on the wondrous Blu ray machine, and fell in love with it all over again. Now, let me just say that I am indeed a Holmes fan. I own the complete collection of stories and they are all well-thumbed (especially The Hound of Baskervilles, best rainy day book EVER). My point is that I know this movie ticked off a lot of purists but I still loved it. There's way more canon in it than most people realize, from Holmes's target practice to his kung-fu grip, and Watson finally gets his due and is no longer portrayed as fat old dipstick...although that face-ferret Jude Law sports is something awful.

***Disclaimer, the above picture may have been ever-so slightly exaggerated...a bit

Anyway, the whole point of a Holmes movie is the chemistry between Holmes and Watson, and RDJ and Jude Law have it in spades. The bromance, good god the bromance! It was kind of wonderful (this is coming from the girl who would regularly read Holmes/Watson slash fiction as a teenager)...I didn't just type that. Honest...DISTRACTION:



...Well shit. That could have gone better. Time to rapidly change the subject! As I was watching Sherlock Holmes and not fantasizing them as a couple, they showed an ad before the DVD menu for The Ultimate Clint Eastwood Collection, which features movies that he acted in, directed, and also acted in AND directed, such as Unforgiven, Dirty Harry, Mystic River, Million Dollar Baby, Space Cowboys, Magnum Force Pale Rider, Gran Torino and even that one with the monkey. I NEED IT. I know you wouldn't know it given how often I prattle on about The Connery, but I am a huge Clint Eastwood fan! I mean, I was talking about geriatric bad-assery before and he embodies like no one else. When I grow up, I want to be the lady version of Clint Eastwood, ornery and brilliant and still very much at work. I mean, the guy directs, stars in, produces, scores and edits his movies. He's a beast! I'm also pretty sure he was the basis for Wolverine:







Compelling evidence, right? But then again, so's this:




Lastly, before I retire for the evening and end what was apparently an extravaganza, let it be known that I have sold out and made a Facebook fan page. Because I had no soul to begin with so what's to lose? As Reel Big Fish once said, Sell Out With Me ...that was the link. durrr.

All righty, night for now folks, (I feel like a game show host when I say folks, I feel like I should be offering you...A BRAND NEW CAR!) Er, anyway. I'm going to go pretend to sleep now, when in reality I actually fly over the homes of young children and feed on their nightmares for sustenance. It's a secret...but I'd prefer you to tell people that one rather than the Holmes/Watson thing. Just sayin'

"I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it" -Clint Eastwood

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