Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Blarghle

That is the sound my soul makes as it quietly dies...that sounded much less like a My Chemical Romance lyric in my head. Anyway, I am working on a horrible-death presentation from hell and so instead of a post, you're going to have to live with a curiosity concerning the market aspects of selling out.

First, my explanation. As you may or may not know, I be po'. This is indeed the nature of the college student but that doesn't mean it's fun. Sure I do have a job but that money pretty much just goes towards survival expenses (gas, laundry, male strippers who look like Jake Gyllenhaal) and also, my job stops being a job april 30th when finals start. Then comes summer and my unpaid internship. Yeah that's right, I finally found an internship! PRAISE BE TO POSEIDON!! I have no idea if Poseidon is in fact the god of internships but if the Odyssey only taught me one thing (and it should be lucky I managed to absorb that much) it's that you should ALWAYS praise Poseidon, elsewise you wind up wandering the earth for a few decades escaping from the cyclops and having copious amounts of sex with immortals...that actually doesn't sound too bad. But I digress, the point is that my money source will be gone and on top of the internship I need to find a job and in this economy I'd have an easier time hunting down the Ark of the Covenant.

Actually, I think that's how they weed out potential employees at The Gap

So, I took to wondering if perhaps the internet could solve my problems! Except that I had nothing to actually sell on the internet. Webcomic artists sell prints, thinkgeek sells nerd apparel, and etsy sells garbage. Maybe that was a little harsh...


Or perhaps not harsh enough


So, what do I have to offer? Stark and bitter sarcasm mostly, but, hey you can sell anything these days. As a purely hypothetical question, would you buy stuff from me with witty shit on it? I say hypothetical because I know nothing about: printing t-shirts, mugs, virginal shrouds etc., shipping of said merchandise, or how to use Paypal when not attempting to purchase caffeine-stained napkins from Etsy. I just assume it's all done by magic and Puritan know-how.

Would you purchase a shirt/cup/hoodie/thong/sailing yacht that said such wonderfully esoteric witticisms as:

It's Connery Time!

WHA'S YO DRANK?!

As Good As A Magical Pony Surprise Party

Sugary Cynicism: The Glass Is Half-Empty But Still Useful As A Projectile Weapon

Sean Connery's #2 fan (and when people ask why #2, you can explain about the crazy girl whose blog you read and how she is HIS NUMBER ONE FAN DAMMIT...on second thought, maybe you should just give them the url and wink mysteriously)

Sugary Cynicism: Where sleep is a four-letter word...with five letters

this:



or my personal favorite, IT'S A MATERNAL-FORNICATING DRAGON! (all-caps are optional)

Thoughts, feelings, concerns, deep personal childhood trauma? I know you all are out there, my fan page says so!

Ok, I go back to work now. (murrrrr)I will see you dudes and lady-dudes tomorrow. Also, Saturday is Dinsey Day! So expect a full report of the fun, excitement and projectile vomiting.

(In line for the Everest ride at Disney, not quite a year and a half ago, with me, the two Ashleys and one Ashley's cousin, who worked at the park)

Me: I can't remember the last time I was on a rollercoaster, I'm kinda nervous...er, this is all safe and stuff, right? No one dies on these rides, right?"

Ashley C.: No! That's stupid, no one dies at Disney, right Chelsea? (her cousin)

Chelsea: Well, yeah, technically.

(ominous silence)

Chelsea: Well, this one guy got a heart attack on this coaster once, but they didn't pronounce him dead 'til he was off-site. That's how they do it here, so they can say no one's ever actually died at Disney

(silence again, this time from sheer horror)

Chelsea: But the dude who died was like, really old.

4 comments:

  1. CafePress is a wonderful thing. I think I want approximately half of those things on a coffee mug.

    (Now I know why I installed Chrome! I can actually post comments! Shame on you, Firefox.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. is it the internship at MODS?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brenda: yes indeedy! :D

    Noli: I will investigate this mysterious cafepress you speak of...(ominous clap of thunder)

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha omg I'd forgotten about that! :)

    ps - how has "ITS CONNERY TIME!" never entered my life before?!

    ReplyDelete

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