Thursday, March 4, 2010

Writing Wednesday (and also pranks and filthy humor)

Instead of going on about how it's after midnight blah blah late posting blah, I will instead tell another roommate Laura joke that she particularly loves:

Q. What's black and white and offensive?

A. Sister Mary Fuckface
(SugaryCynic is not responsible for any and all persons offended by the sick and often disturbed humor of Laura....also lol)

Anway, today was indeed a day for depraved roommate activities. I fell asleep on the couch in the common room and was later informed by Laura and Nisha that the only thing keeping them from drawing a mustache on my face was the knowledge that I could beat the crap out of them with ease. Then Nisha made the mistake of leaving her phone in the common room after going to the gym and got a lovely new wallpaper for said phone...of Laura's butt. Then, I left my door open while leaving the room and after returning to my room for a good half hour, finally noticed the naked woman drawn on my mirror. But, in an ego-maniacal need to have the last laugh, I drew penises on their doors. Big, happy, anime-faced penises. It pays to be the one asleep last. >:D

Ok, no more. Promise. (Unless you like this sort of thing, in which case, too bad...and also put your pants back on) On to the writing part! I promise that this will be the last poem (for now) because I will be on Spring Break next week and will therefore put effort into actually writing something. But until then, poem! These are old, back from when I first worked as a front desk temp at a gym/community center/thing. They're silly, but have a special place in my dark and shriveled heart:

They come to the desk
Ask the eternal question
Where is tennis camp?

Everyone at lunch
So quiet and serene, but
Wait! I have to pee.

They come with questions
So I give them the blank stare
I am just a temp.

Want to scream, so bored
Then the people come, alas
For they have no cards

Now no members come
So I shall ponder life…or
Play with paper clips!

Members are angry
They say front desk is useless
Temp just writes haikus.

Duplicate or not?
Too many files to go through,
Time to claw out eyes.

Keep falling asleep,
Can’t answer any questions,
And yet, they pay me.

I don't mind filing,
Or computer work. Just the...
Horny old men (ick).
Hey there, baby, wanna resuscitate me when my heart fails?

I don't think I was cut out for the workforce. That's it for today, ridiculous star trek-related things tomorrow!

"you slut-bagel!" -Laura, the essence of feminine decorum :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share the love! Or, alternatively, the hate. Whichever, I'm easy

These Are Also Nice

Related Posts with Thumbnails