Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Back...From The Future!

Hello people of the internet and occasionally real life, I have returned from my fantastic journey through time and space! (And all I got was this lousy t-shirt...and also an anti-gravity gun but that's neither here nor there). Before I tell you what wonders I encountered in the future, I would like to thank the always awesome if sometimes homicidal J-Lust for guest post and for bringing Chiddy Bang, AM Architect and Nujabes into my life. I can't stand Discovery and will never be able to take Drake seriously:

Hey guys, it's Jimmy! And he's dropping all kinds of sick beats!

Anyway, on my awesometastic voyage into the futuristic world of tomorrow, I encountered tacos that have been genetically engineered for extra deliciousness, rocket-propelled port-a-potties (it might have something to do with the tacos) and learned that Betty White continues to be a media darling and feisty old a head in a jar, ala Futurama:

Truly, the future will be a glorious place for us all

Ok, now that I have returned, let's get down to business (to defeat the Huns!) Seriously? I mean, I know the Beauty and the Beast one was a tad obscure but really? Ok...

(singing aloud much to the horror of her roommates) TESTOSTERONE!! ....You asked for it. As an added bonus, be sure to look up "me singing make a man out of you" for some hilarious teens who think they are hard-asses because they can sing Mulan badly. Except this kid, he's downright adorable (until he starts clapping and singing the sad Mulan song):

Since I seem to be in a video-spamming mood at the moment, you may as well watch this one. It's a literal-version play by play of the 80's "please God make it stop" hit, Total Eclipse of the Heart, and if you think that sounds dumb, well then you're dumb because it's funny as hell! (warning, side-effects include: unwillingly singing the literal version for days on end because you can't get it out of your head, inability to ever listen to the proper lyrics again, slo-mo dove, zombie choir boys, ninjas and occasional rectal bleeding)

This song will now be playing in your head nonstop for the next week and a half. You're welcome. was pretty average for the Tuesday From Hell, I actually got a 89 on that motherfucking stats test! BOO-YAH! (it's an ironic boo-yah, I swear). And I am currently working on a picture that makes me giggle inside that I will put up tomorrow. It *WOULD* have been up today but my scanner-monkey is at his boyfriend's house, doing couple-y things like not leaving his door unlocked so I could pillage his scanner because the library's closed. :(

I feel like I should be talking about Healthcare or something since the bill passed on Sunday, but to be honest, I can't really be bothered to care. I've often felt like I should be more aware of what's going on in my country, but then I flip on the news and remember why I purposely ignore what's going on in my country: The government is full of butt-sniffing morons

Now before you get all "SugaryCynic, why do you hate America? Do you not appreciate your many freedoms? Are you a Communist? Why are you a Communist? Die, Commie-pig!!"
I would just like to say that America is a pretty cool place and I am rather fond of living here as opposed to other places. But one of the things that makes America awesome is that you are supposed to be allowed to criticize it when it's being retarded without fear of being shot in the ass by a rabid republican. But I'm not just picking on the conservatives, though they strike me as more likely to riot from sheer stupidity. There's a reason my voter ID says Independent and that's because Democrats a ginormous weenies. I do believe humorist/genius/guy who lives in my effing hometown Dave Barry said it best:

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club."

And when I turn on the TV and see grown men calling Senators racial slurs, baby-killers and worse, I remember why I instead choose to immerse myself in pop culture until these old bastards die off and we'll be in charge.

Because our generation has proved time and again it has what it takes to lead America!

Ok, rant over. Time to end this sucker on a lighter note. For some reason I had like, no voice this morning and I have no idea why.I kept coughing and it continued into the afternoon and by dinner had mysteriously vanished, along with the cough. WTF?! Mini-black lung? The point of this is that I sounded all raspy and ridiculous and the best point of comparison I can think of is Christopher Lambert as Raiden in Mortal Kombat:

Basically. (Also, Raiden's kind of a jackass, which was lost on me when I watched this as a small child)

See ya tomorrow, which sort of like the future, but not nearly as cool.

"Look, you don't have to read the whole book, feel free to rape and pillage, just rape and pillage responsibly!" -Dr. Edwards, literature professor/viking warlord



    that is all

  2. oh man that's hilarious! And Obama's adorable grin at the end makes it that much funnier


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