So yeah, went to Wolfman today despite negative early reviews because I am unable to stand up to the combination of top hats, Victorian dress and violence. (side note: robot in full Victorian costume=best thing ever?) Also it had Anthony Hopkins and I enjoy Anthony Hopkins as a general rule except when he's eating people. (Is it weird that first and foremost in my head he's the narrator of the live-action Grinch movie? So when I watch Silence of the Lambs or Red Dragon or something I hear: "And then the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day...and then I ate it with a side of fries.)
ANYWHOO, which is scarier, a vampire or a werewolf? Discuss...Because vampires can be pretty BA (that would be bad-ass as opposed to Bachelor of Arts, though I could see Edward Cullen with one of those) but lately they just want to touch your face and talk about feelings rather than slurp your lifeblood. Except in DayBreakers, but that movie was pretty iffy and it even had Willem Dafoe with a crossbow. When you have something that awesome and your movie still fails, you're doing something terribly wrong. Maybe it would have been better if he was cross-dressing, ala Boondock Saints:
Vampire-hunting can be such a DRAG (zing!)
The point of this musing is not drag queens and vampires though, (dude that would be a fantastic gay porn title, Drag Queens and Vampires) but mostly about Werewolves, which I just think are scarier. Mostly because you can be a werewolf and HAVE NO IDEA. Sure you're occasionally waking up in weird places with blood all over clothes but this also holds true for most college students on the weekends. Also, a werewolf does n0t have the cognitive abilities to slow down, stop mutilating things, and fall in love with a tortured young high school girl, he is too busy ripping her throat out. (except in Twilight where that apparently is not a problem. You just get to run around with your shirt off a lot and be lusted after by grown women. I know, I know, he's finally no longer jailbait but everytime I see him I still think of Sharkboy:
Soak in that lovely pedo feeling ladies
Erhhm, yeah so werewolves, despite being fucking scary do not have much movie love after the forties boom of mummy, vampire and werewolf movies. I mean there's Teen Wolf, but I'm not sure if that counts because it's ridiculous, and then there was that movie where Jack Nicholson is a werewolf but really he's just Jack Nicholson only slightly hairier. Ah well, Wolfman's here to even the odds! (Sort of)
It is moody and Gothic with a kick-ass soundtrack from Danny Elfman and Benicio Del Toro manages to look terrified and half-asleep at the same time and it is FRIGGIN SCARY...until they actually show the Wolfman. When he's creeping in the shadows and you can't really see what's going on and OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! And then we get up close and personal with our werewolves (spoiler, there is more than one oh noes!) and they look less like wolves and more like pissed orangutans with filed teeth. Go figure. Anthony Hopkins is the coolest and by and far the spookiest motherfucker in whole thing. (shudders) It's kinda campy and predictable but fun and gory and ultimately worth seeing I think. In a tabulating system I just invented, I give it two and half catapults out of five.
CATAPULT RATING SYSTEM:
Zero catapults: I would willingly chew my own limbs off to escape this movie
One catapult: Well, I suppose it's better than staring at a blank wall...
Two catapults: Fun
Three catapults: Extremely fun
Four catapults: Will view multiple times and giggle with joy each time
Five catapults: Absolutely wonderful and on par with a magical pony surprise party
Finally, I have decided to theme each day of the week (That's right I update every damn day....starting now) Behold!!
Music Monday: Strange and varied music from foreign lands, courtesy of mostly my brother the music shwashbuckler
Terrible Tuesday: My Tuesday's suck big hairy werewolf balls, I'm in class and at work from 10am to 10pm. So Tuesday=Bitch rant day :D
Writing Wednesday: Pretty self-explanatory, I will write things. (oh such things!)
Thank God it's Thursday Comics: Thursday signals the end of my week, for you it signals comics!
Friggin Random Friday: Whatever the hell I feel like
Silly picture Saturday: Also self-explanatory. Maybe it'll be puppies!! (it won't be)
Sean Connery Sunday: I review and pontificate on a Sean Connery movie, because why not?
And that's all for now (and it's quite a bit). Back to work (the specter of Big Willy Shakespeare follows me yet....)
"Look me in the eyes, Lawrence. Look me in the eyes and you can see I'm quite dead."
-Anthony Hopkins as Sir John Talbot in Wolfman