Friday, February 12, 2010

The Maiden Voyage!

Well, it's not a ginormous flying airship hurtling through the sky as Sean Connery stands at the wheel with an enormous feathered hat and squints off into the distance in a particularly bad-ass manner and turns to the first mate (who may or may not be Jack Sparrow steampunkified by imagination) and says:

"We have our heading, straight course, lads!" to which not-Jack Sparrow would say:

"But, Captain, that's through a huge waterfall that's hanging in the sky for no apparent reason! It's suicide!" To which Sean Connery would wink at him and say something along the lines of:

"Trust me, lad"

And then they would fly through the magical sky waterfall and make it through to the other side and it be AWESOME

....No, it is not a maiden voyage like that at all. It is a blog. More's the pity because that would have made one hell of a cinematic but oh well. And now this:

THE MISSION STATEMENT OF SUGARY CYNICISM (THINGS ARE MORE IMPRESSIVE WHEN THEY ARE IN ALL CAPS):

first and foremost to make any and all readers giggle girlishly to themselves. Especially manly ones. It's a little corner of webspace for random (generally untrue but occasionally real) stories, comics (at some point) and all the manner of tomfoolery. Rarely I might do some srs bizness writing stuff which I hope is more interesting than amusing....um

BRIEF MISSION STATEMENTS ARE IN FASHION THIS YEAR


So yeah, let's keep this puppy short cause I'm technically supposed to be writing about Shakespeare right now and I can practically feel his cold, undead gaze upon me. He rustles his Elizabethan ruffed collar softly, edging closer and closer until I can hear the faint swish of his quill pen. He strokes the wrinkles from his pantaloons and whispers:

"Do not forget to mention all my genitalia puns"

Don't worry, Shakespeare. I won't.


Which looks more fun? This:




or this:



Because it's just such a difficult decision....(and no I will not tell you how long I looked for a steampunkesque picture with a dude that resembled Sean Connery)

Until next time,

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
—Oscar Wilde

8 comments:

  1. I'd pick adventure over homework any day.
    also, bookmarked for daily stalkage. maybe you should stalk mine back?

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  2. I will stalk it so hard you do not even know

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  3. The old balding pervert is totally more fun than a colorful pirate ship with cartoon Sean Connery wielding a sword + family(which includes a daughter that I'm sure is in the process of falling off... WAIT A SECOND! SHE'S PUSHING THE DAUGHTER OVERBOARD!!!!). :P

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  4. hmm, val has just explained that the mother is actually putting her arm behind the daughter to prevent her from falling backwards. she's probably right...

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  5. pff, probably nuthin; no pirate ship that flies a jolly roger made of a giant rose could possibly condone baby-drowning. Also, I think we are examining this picture a bit more than she intended :P

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  6. NO! you are not supposed to look this far back! these were dark times! inexperienced and dark!

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  7. I did too Cynic... 8P Simon and I RULE!

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